The approach Rob describes is correct for a WAS situation in my opinion....don't misunderstand Bworl or myself. As Im has implied is that implementing this approach after 45 days is to fast. Think about it like a water leak in your house.....you don't call a roofer as soon as you notice the leak. First you walk around and make sure that the kids didn't flood a toilet. That is what a newcomer needs to first (and why I think bringing up this advice here is unproductive) and then once they checked themselves move on to more aggressive techniques.
I couldn't disagree more strongly.
For every month that an affair is allowed to continue, there is a deepening emotional bond between the affair partners, and a greater chance of it going physical. The longer it continues, the greater the emotional damage to the families affected, including the devastation to the betrayed spouse's self-esteem and even emotional health.
More financial drain on the families, as people in affairs tend to squander marital assets, and then there's legal fees as S and L get actively considered.
More risk of STDs and worse.
I'm not a big fan of the "Little Bo-Peep" approach -- you know, "leave them alone, and they'll come home, wagging their tails behind them" and all. Reasonable people can (and do) disagree about exposure, but most agree that if you ARE going to do it, then the time to do it is EARLY ON, not later, when the affair is more entrenched.
People are ADDICTED to affairs, and we underestimate just how strong that addiction is (just Google "PEAs brain love lust" and do some reading on it). It's what made an otherwise sane, intelligent female astronaut drive from TX to FL wearing an adult diaper, rather than stopping for bathroom breaks, so she could get there quicker to avenge her man. The sooner you separate the addict from the source of their addiction, the sooner the two affected families can begin to work on repairing the damage that's been done.
