it's a hard balance to pull back, i guess i see in her mind what is too far. i have not been mean or an ass, but compared with the old me, i was shorter with conversation, did not check in with her and have not been doing things that she can pay for.
do i give up on busting the EA for now?
it was a financial discussion, and it converted into R/EA talk. it makes much more financial and logistical sense for both of us that she would stay in the house for several months while we get ducks in a row. but, i can't be a "friend" in this home while she is having a R with OM, that is what she wants. she wants me to go out and date so she is justified in doing the same. there are parts of me that want to do just that, thinking that might be a 180 and shake her up.
she outright lied to me tonight. i asked her point blank if she talked to him yesterday, and i know she did, and she said no. she is sick, acting like a total addict.
do i try harder to bust it up or do i sit on my intel and wait until they finally meet for PA and bust it then?
M=37 W=40 Married=10,T=12 D=10 D=8 WAW Bomb=1/12 EA confirmed=1/13 EA exposed=1/27 Current In house separation
I woke up at about 1:30 to see she was on FB. I started a chat with her. Then I walked down the hall and said "this ia the kind of action that I won't allow while you are in this home". She said she was not chatting with OM, and maybe not but she would have been if he was available.
She says I'm obssessed with OM and thinks I'm trying to control her. At that point it's the same if you want it then move out.
She tried to make it an argument and was super defensive, but I was calm and went back to bed.
She unfriended me on FB. The layers of secrecy keep getting deeper.
I had two ideas while not sleeping last night.
First, I think I can schedule the wireless router to shut down at a certain time each night. It will take her a couple days to tell me the issue then a couple more for me to fix it.
Second, I could invite her parents, my parents, and her best friend to set this issue to bed once and for all, either moving out or moving forward without OM. I see the addick thing in her on this, I'm the one trying to take away to drug or atleast make her leave to use it and that makes her feel controlled by me. The meeting would be an intervention of sorts.
M=37 W=40 Married=10,T=12 D=10 D=8 WAW Bomb=1/12 EA confirmed=1/13 EA exposed=1/27 Current In house separation
I know a few people recommend that sort of scenario. If you have good R w/ those people and they haven't been fed the BS from W yet, then it would prob be a good idea. I would def consult w/ Puppy and a few others to get things in oder before you do anything.
it's a hard balance to pull back, i guess i see in her mind what is too far. i have not been mean or an ass, but compared with the old me, i was shorter with conversation, did not check in with her and have not been doing things that she can pay for.
Make your conversations with her less FREQUENT, but also try to make the conversations that you DO have (just so long as they're not R convos) real good ones -- be a great listener, be charming, interesting, engaged. When she sees you talking to other people, be similarly charming and engaging and empathetic.
I do NOT think you should pay for things that she is capable of paying for, and don't pay for ANYTHING that enables her affair.
it was a financial discussion, and it converted into R/EA talk. it makes much more financial and logistical sense for both of us that she would stay in the house for several months while we get ducks in a row. but, i can't be a "friend" in this home while she is having a R with OM, that is what she wants. she wants me to go out and date so she is justified in doing the same. there are parts of me that want to do just that, thinking that might be a 180 and shake her up.
DON'T MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE.
I'm not as "pro-dating" as Robx is, but nor am I as against it as some. It DEFINITELY works, but it has to be something that you believe in. In my case, it wasn't until my wife and I were separated, and I also felt I should notify her up front of my intent, that I felt it was morally right, but that's just me. I also don't advocate it when the other spouse is having an affair, because I think it's important for you to maintain the moral high ground right now. She's only trying to get you to do it so she can justify in her own mind what she is doing.
do i try harder to bust it up or do i sit on my intel and wait until they finally meet for PA and bust it then?
How iron-clad is your evidence right now?
Your question strikes me as "I have evidence that the pyromaniac has matches and kerosene in his possession; do I wait for him to burn down a building, so I can catch him red-handed?" Reasonable people can disagree about exposure, but if you're going to do it, then do it -- there's no reason to wait for things to go PA. How would you feel if she caught as STD from such an encounter, and you hadn't done everything you could to stop it before it got to that point?
I extracted a FB chat from her web browser cache. It was a 2 hour chat, and covered a lot of ground.
As iron clad as i can get.
I believe in waiting on dating until we can get the EA resolved. If she moves out, I'm dating. I work at a place teeming with potential, no R for awhile for me.
Spoke with my F and her F about a meeting. Mine is in for sure and hers is thinking about it. I said to him that EA was still on and that I respect him and that I want him to respect me so what should I do. He really is almost as confused as me.
W unfriended me on FB and locked down all of the privacy on her account, so did OM. The roaches are scattering when the lights are turned on.
Many thanks for all of the support and comments.
M=37 W=40 Married=10,T=12 D=10 D=8 WAW Bomb=1/12 EA confirmed=1/13 EA exposed=1/27 Current In house separation
