Valentine's Weekend at my house - an AOS extraveganza.
Saturday: We always have bacon and eggs for breakfast on Saturday, it's the only day I have this (I have cereal and coffee during the week). While W was making breakfast, I emptied the dishwasher and put everything away, then set the table (I always set the table anyway). W also had to take S18 to a dermatologist appointment after breakfast, so I did all the dishes (washed/dried/put away) and made sure the kitchen was spotless when she got home. I also emptied the wastebaskets throughout the house, something I almost never think to do. After lunch, I went out to get her a really nice Valentine's card, which was really perfect, because it spoke about my longing to find new ways to say "I Love You". In the afternoon, W baked a cake for V-day, and while she was doing that, I cleaned both bathrooms, dusted and vacuumed the entire house. The kids sat around all day watching the Olympics on TV, which made things difficult for me because of the no-TV challenge from the C, but I've been doing a really good job of holding onto myself (Schnarch).
Actually, Saturday morning while W was preparing breakfast, we had another conversation about the whole no-TV thing - I started by saying I felt we were going to have to "come out" to our kids about seeing a MC, because they were bound to start wondering what's going on with Dad not watching TV like usual. I also pointed out that if she's serious about not going along with it, insisting on watching TV like the Olympic coverage, and Lost on Tuesdays, the kids were also going to have questions about why Dad is following it and Mom is not. This argument didn't faze her - she was adamant that she's not going to miss the Olympics or Lost just because some C says we should give up TV for a month. Whereas for me, it comes down to a question of what's more important, my marriage, or what's on TV. I even put it to her that way, but she was having none of it.
The interesting thing about that conversation was that I remained completely calm and rational, whereas she got progressively more hot under the collar. I think for me, the fact that there'll be another session in a couple weeks is a really good pressure relief valve - I can stay calm in the face of difficulty because I know we'll be reviewing what's happened in the next session, and it'll be interesting to see how things go. I think W is backing herself into a neat little corner, where she'll find it almost impossible to defend her decision. But I digress...
I did the dishes again after supper, but this time she insisted on washing while I dried. After the dishes were done, we played Trivial Pursuit again, this time with S18, and it was pretty fun, but afterwards we just read for a bit and went to bed.
Sunday morning we had croissants for breakfast - my suggestion so she wouldn't feel the need to make anything (she usually makes pancakes, waffles or scones), and I did the dishes (there weren't many). I showered before breakfast, and when I went back into the bedroom to get her card, I noticed she had given me a chocolate airplane (rather large, and solid) but I didn't notice the card underneath it. I went back out to the kitchen to give her her card, and thanked her for the airplane. She gave me a really nice hug and kiss. Thinking once again about the no-TV thing, I said maybe we could go see one or two of the events on the big screen at the movie theatre (thinking that way, I could see some of it, since I hadn't promised to give up going to a movie), but she batted that idea away very casually ("I'm sure not going to pay to watch something I can watch for free at home"), without even considering the consequences for me. I did the lunch dishes also, and we'll be having steaks (on the BBQ), and I'm preparing the rest of the meal also.
The supper meal was a huge hit. I prepared the steaks and the potatoes (microwave), and the salad (although W made the dressing - she has a dynamite Cesar recipe), and I cooked fries for myself. The steaks were perfect (T-bones), and we even had wine. I set the table (dining room, good china, silver, crystal) - even a lit candle. Nice tunes on the stereo (Cuban - Buena Vista Social Club). We had a great meal. Afterwards, I sent W and D26 to the living room to relax while I did ALL the dishes (leaving the kitchen spotless).
Before supper, W informed me that because D26 is home for the evening, we'll be renting a movie or two (Video On Demand), because otherwise, D26 would have no option but to either sit in a silent living room (or one with music) with her parents, or hang out in her room, because S18 and his GF were hanging out in the family room. S23 is out for the evening with his GF (six months coming up soon). So if I hang onto the no-TV thing, I look like a real schmuck, so I capitulated. We watched "The Invention of Lying" with D26. After the movie, D26 was like "Turn it back to the Olympics so I can see what's happening." S23 came home while the movie was on, and informed us that we had missed Canada's first Gold medal. I left the credits running till the end, then handed the remote to D26 and left the room.
I went downstairs to check my email briefly, then came upstairs and said "I'm going to bed now," and went to bed. W followed shortly after, and thanked me for making the exception to watch the movie, and I said I still felt it was the wrong thing to do - we could have played Scrabble with D26 or something, she wasn't even expecting a movie, and that would have been more in keeping with what we're supposed to be doing. W still doesn't agree. Then we went to sleep. Still no loving, even with everything I did for W this weekend. She had said flat out in session that the thing that made her feel most loved was me doing things for her, and I've been doing that in spades, with a smile on my face, and not expecting anything in return, but I think in her mind at the moment, I'm only doing it so she'll have sex with me. The thing is, I need to connect with her on some level, and I'm doing my best, what else can I do?
Plus, the no-TV thing is now turning into a power struggle, I think, but I'm determined to see it through, if only as a demonstration of the lengths to which I'm willing to go for her. And I'll keep up the AOS, still without calling her attention to it, to see if she might eventually thaw. Just 2 and a half weeks till the next session...
