It is hard when my mother tells me.. "he is not coming back and I should just forget about things getting better because he would not have left if he REALLY loved you". She believes i have false hope and I tell you, I have succumbed at times to her words. Don't fall into that trap - keep your eyes on your goals (not our mother's).
DU - thank you SO MUCH for the encouragement. sometimes i feel so silly even talking about my mom on this site. i am a married, grown woman, and my focus should be on my M, not on my R with my mom! i know she only wants what is best for me, and anyone who hurts me hurts her tenfold, but i am working really hard on setting boundaries with her. i need her encouragement and her support, not her negative attitudes towards my H. i told her on the phone recently that just because i don't react to my H the way she wants me to (which is the way she is reacting: vengefully, angrily and resentfully) doesn't mean i'm not hurting. i just hurt in a different way than she does. when she told me she will NEVER trust my H again or welcome him back to our family, i took a deep breath, cut her off in the middle of her rant and said, mom, you know i love you and appreciate you being there for me. but it really hurts me that you would say that about my H because it makes me feel like you've closed the door on my M and i am certainly not at that point. just because i'm not trying to stick it to him in every way possible doesn't mean i'm not sad, confused and upset. i'm dealing with this the best way that i know how to, and i need to know that if my H and i were to reconcile, it wouldn't drive a wedge between our family because you no longer welcome him. i know you don't want me to hurt right now, but that's just not an option, so if you can't be supportive, i would rather just not talk about this at all.
you know what her response was? an APOLOGY. a genuine, heartfelt apology. i wish i could have seen my face. it felt GOOD to set that boundary! i should have been doing this years ago!
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
