Considering the ups and downs today, eve was great, I thought. I began talking to her after supper, helped with the dishes. Got close on the sofa and read while she drank tea for 1/2hr. Offered to watch a movie (romance) with her on the b'rm computer. All great. So, she takes a while to come, but she has reasons. We're all cozy watching movie. She sleeps near the end. I'm thinking, kinda nice. I might want this nice feeling for the rest of my life. Except for one part where the guy is deeply kissing making me feel kind of jealous, I was feeling very connected.
So I go on the computer to shut it off, decide to check mail cause she's sleeping when I hear stress sounds (scratching nails, etc.) Knowing full well this could be bad, I ignored it, and began getting ready to shut down. Then, it begins.
"I prayed and I feel it would be best if we separate" "I can't keep living when you don't know" I try to scuttle the boat - not now, we were just so comfortable, etc., no luck. A few minutes in, I tell her look, I was feeling good, you were, we were all close, and you wait until after to movie to tell me you want me out?? I tried laying down to sleep for 20 sec, felt like exploding, so I went to the sofa to cool down.
So then, this person who wants to separate, comes down with the blanket for me to sleep on the sofa, and tried to begin the R talk again! I ran off, and unloaded the dishwasher.
Hurt. Rejected. Frustrated. Guilty. Ashamed. A little of everything~
I follow that if I was showing love and not considering the D, she'd feel better. I know. I worked so hard that eve to make her feel secure. I guess if I pissed her off I'd feel better.
