Not Me Ever...part 3

[Gardener]

(((Serenity)))

(((Gardener)))
I know of which you speak...
I read your reply to me yesterday and had to think about it for a bit...
My reply to you is in love as well. I know.

I was a smidge put off at first then had a chance to really think about what you said...

There shouldn't be a stigma however there is...Having a mental issue always comes with a stigma and I am basing this on my life and others reactions to me...

When I was first diagnosed, my insurance company cancelled my insurance because of the meds I had to take...I had to go and have a special med alert bracelet made that said I was a recovering drug addict/No narcotics and I was on such and such medication...I was absolutely mortified to put that thing on my wrist...

My family/friends treated me different - It seems once the diagnose was made, once the label was out there, I ceased to be "Serenity" and became the disease...My moods were from that day forward defined by my bipolar...I could never be in a good mood or bad mood without someone asking me if I took my meds that day..I took great offense to that and still do to this day...To no longer being a person and being just a "headcase"

It took me many years to overcome that label...To be defined as a person and not a disease...To allow myself to feel my feelings without feeling guilty.

Thank you for sharing your experiences, bearing your soul and setting me straight about those experiences. You are one courageous woman.

I was wrongly (and cheerleadingly -no such word) trying to help with something about which I clearly know nothing. I was wrong to compare it with those other non-stigma maladies. And I wrongfully assumed the world had somehow become enlightened in regard to BPD.

My response to the thread was letting her know how it feels on the other side of the coin. I fought treatment, I fought the meds, I fought my demons, I fought the pain and the hurt and the emotions all over the place and only with acceptence did I become whole again...

Her H hasn't hit bottom...He hasn't begun to accept what is within him, what will be with him until the day he dies and only when he does will he be able to become himself again.

Happy Valentine's Day
And to you.
Love,