I want to encourage you to come to the board every chance that you have b/c there is support here and you need it. Even if you don't always post, you can read other threads and it will help to see how others handle particular situations.
It is obvious that your W has very low self-esteem. It might have something to do with her not pursuing a higher education, but whatever it is that's caused it....I think it has a lot to do with her unhappiness with herself. She must be well-rounded if she has has these various employments b/c none of them seem easy.
The OM may have started out as a friend, but he & your W fulfill some emotional need in each other. When that stops, then their R will probably be over. So, what will you do in the meantime? That is what you need to decide.
Most H's want to fix whatever the problem is....and get on with the M, however that is not so easy if the problem rests inside of her. The first thing you have to accept is the fact you can't "fix" her and you can't change her. You can't control what she does. That is hard to accept, isn't it? She has problems that she will have to work out and it will be tough on you to know that you can't help her.
Accepting that will hopefully help you to pull back and not pursue her. I think that is natural for men to pursue, and when they see a D headed their way...they tend to panice and therefore pursue even more. So, I want to tell you from personal experience that she does not want you to pursue her at all. That won't work.
You will see this same advice given over and over, but that is b/c it works......and I'm talking about improving yourself and your capasity for life. If you will take your focus off your W and her A and consentrate on becoming the best man you can possibly be, then there is a much greater possibility at having a wonderful life.
Have you taken in consideration how you contributed to the breakdown in the M and how you can avoid anything like that happening in the future? You can't go back and change the past, and if she can't let go....then that could be a big problem for "her". In the meantime, you could make a list of goals and really work at them for yourself....and not as a way of getting her back, okay?
As you've probably read, most of the men start working on some time of an exercise routine b/c of the stress they are under. It helps with the tension, plus all the healthy benefits of having a body that is in good condition. It helps the ego, too!
The children will need you a lot during this time and they must be so hurt and confused at what their mom is doing. It's important to spend more time with each of them.
Getting a life for yourself is so important.....and I think it takes self-discipline b/c you may not "feel" like doing anything...but you have to force yourself to stay busy at something you enjoy. You need to be with good friends and have some social life. You cannot lay down and stop living due to what your W is doing.
Treat yourself to some new clothes, maybe a new hair style, etc. You need to think of yourself as a new person and look the part while you are making the changes.
The more you can tell us, the better we will know how to respond.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
