well it's over. He is filing a legal sep. I just got off the phone with OW, which she is a friend of mine who thought she was helping him. They don't talk about eachother but talk ALOT about our marriage in general. He is such a liar. I don't know what to do. She said she will stop talking to him but she has realized through talking to me that she liked the fact that he came to her and can see that maybe he does have feelings for her. I am such a fool.
I don't know if I can do DB. All I want is to run away. Why do thy lead us on?
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
BTW- I did little talking except to say this is not what I deserve. I needed him to be honest. He admitted to talking to OW as a friend, which he had lied about before. Ya know, you just know and she confirmed a lot that he didn't. I didn't get upset or emotional just quiet.
He is coming to drop off the kids soon and I am pretty angry. What do I do?
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
I totally blew it today. Too much anger and hurt came out. I just need to move on without him. I understand what you have all been posting now. I am GAL. I think my feelings will be ruled by anger but at least it's better than pathetic trash my husband threw away.
Thank you all for being here for a stranger. You are all very wise and I feel bad that you have all felt like I did today at one time or another.
D12 came in and said..."I hate him" I don't know what to do to help her but this will affect her with men later in life and that breaks my heart all over again.
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
I totally blew it today. Too much anger and hurt came out. I just need to move on without him. I understand what you have all been posting now. I am GAL. I think my feelings will be ruled by anger but at least it's better than pathetic trash my husband threw away.
Thank you all for being here for a stranger. You are all very wise and I feel bad that you have all felt like I did today at one time or another.
D12 came in and said..."I hate him" I don't know what to do to help her but this will affect her with men later in life and that breaks my heart all over again.
HC,
I'm sorry you had a rough day. I really am.
Are you done? Truly done? Don't answer that for 48 hours.
Regardless of your answer, you DO need to move on with your life. Whether H chooses to be a part of that or not is up to him.
If you haven't started already, both you and D should really see a C. I never did before the bomb, but do now.
Allow yourself to grieve. But, try to remain focused on moving forward. Come up with a plan, and try to focus on the positive (yes, I said positives) in your future.
I am so sorry about your situation but want to put a few things out there for you to think about. 1. OW is NOT your friend. She is your enemy. Do not talk with her anymore. 2. I have the same problems with my D, 16. It is such a tough spot to be in. You want to work things out with H but do not want D to think it is okay for men to treat their wives like he has treated you. Or at least that is how I feel. Do parents have to go to counseling in your state if divorcing? You do in mine. 3. Put your emotions aside as much as you can for the next week and start getting the legal things in place. Who pays for what, who keeps medical insurance, who pays for the kids' college, who pays for the lawyer. Be a baracuda on this and do not let him off easy. 4. Do everything you force yourself to do, get out of bed, get dressed, etc for your kids to show them you are strong and they can depend on you right now.
Your problems with H will have to wait until you and the kids can get back into somewhat of a routine. Praying for you.
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
I am truly sorry for what you are going through right now. Just know that we know what you are feeling and the pain and anguish of it all and we are here to listen. Rant, cry, ask questions, be open. Honestly I am much more open with everyone on this board than I can be with most people in my RL. Everyone here is very supportive and want to help whenever possible. Now, I'll tell you, sometimes that help comes in the form of a 2x4 when needed.
As everyone else has said, take time for yourself and your children now and disregard your H. He is taking up far too much headspace and you need that to deal with your own emotions.
Your D is understandably upset. Please make sure to comfort her as much as you can but reassure her that her dad loves her and is always going to be there for her (as long as you feel that is true).
We are all here for you, praying over you and hoping for healing of your heart.
((((((HUGS)))))))
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I will work with D tomorrow. Take some mommy and me time. I am angry and am trying not to lash out at him. It's so hard. Do I have a choice when he files the separation? Do I have to agree to it?
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
One of the first things we learn on here is to never answer or do anything until we have let 24/48hrs go past, honestly its hard but its a life saver..
Yes youre angry and mad at him at the moment that combined with the fact its your friend he is potentially having an A with! First of all why are you mad, probably because you love him still and its hurt talking.. Give yourself some time, come on here and let it all out and folks can give you ideas on what to do once you have decided what you want. As for separation you dont have to do anything yet.. H may push but you have the upper hand regardless of what it feels like. Spend today making sure the kids are feeling secure it will have shattered their world too and they need mum to be strong and show them direction. Dont run your H down infront of the kids just keep reminding them its about you and dad not them and dad..
Thinking of you!
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Of course you can respond when he files the separation. Lots of things depend on the state you live in. Start looking at online legal resources for your state. Why do you think he is filing for separation and not divorce?
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
