Hello, still here. Nothing new. Saw H briefly when I dropped off D17 at the house today, and we didn't really have anything to say to each other. I just asked him if he called an accountant regarding our tax returns for the year. He's the one who wanted a CPA to do them this year, so he can call and make the arrangements. It's weird, I don't have any real desire to talk to H, see him, or whatever.
What's also weird is that some days I look around and I don't recognize my life. I see my stuff here, I see my rabbit, I see my new dog, but sometimes I don't understand how I got here. Robx mentioned something in another thread about very few LBH's celebrating their wives leaving them. That stung a bit. Despite the initial upset-ness, I know mine had a sense of relief at least, if not celebrating. I did him a d@mn favor by leaving. This is what I don't understand- he's the one who insisted on multiple sex partners in our marriage, he was happy to share his wife with other men and he "needed variety" with his own sex partners- and he has no consequences of his bad choices. My leaving is not a consequence in his eyes, because I "had issues" and he was tired of trying to "help" me with them. Remember how he said that I was distorting reality when we met with the MC that first time, because I wasn't really that good at presenting myself (WTF?!?!), the whole medication bit, etc...
Some days it's easier to handle being alone than others, I guess. I haven't heard from many friends and family since the split. I guess as long as I'm not going off the deep end, they don't need to concern themselves. And I'm not going off the deep end, but somedays I would really like someone to talk to. I would feel like I'm imposing on them if I were to ask though. I don't know how accurate that perception really is. I don't know how to ask for help, and I guess I'm not sure if I really qualify as needing help since I'm not suicidal or anything else crazy. I can just handle it myself.
The two people who have showed concern throughout are my Mom and my sister in law, and I can't talk to them. Mom has enough on her plate to worry about with her, my dad and grandparents (jobs, insurance, health issues). I don't want to add to that. The other person who has shown concern is H's oldest sister and I love her dearly, but I can't talk to her about the situation because she is H's sister, so I just keep things neutral and pleasant.
Sorry about the pity party tonight, it's been a hard weekend. I'm gonna take Jazzie for her bedtime walk.
