I can only trust my children so far. Because of D, I am only able to parent them 50% of the time. The other part of the time xW is constantly feeding them with her twisted mindset.
Let's face it, her objective is all the more easy for her to attain than mine own. Given the sinful nature of Man. She can indulge my S's with toys, lavish vacation trips, desserts, fattening foods, and leniency. She can easily appeal to their baser instincts and fulfill their materialistic desires. While all I offer is discipline and and a life of duty, work and financial restraint. Out of necessity, I am as far from being a "Disneyland Dad" as I can be, even if I wanted to be.
And I am subsidizing through these CS payments to xW her ability to undermine everything I do. She still refuses to give me an itemized accounting for what she spends this money on.
I trust God's will be done. But I also know that He has given His children free will to determine their own choices in life. As such the Enemy assails us with every temptation and distraction to great advantage -- not for any lack in God but in ourselves.
I have personally seen too many children of good and faithful Christians, who did everything right, stray from the Faith, many yet to ever return. It worries me greatly that my failure in my M is proving to be a serious handicap to the moral and spiritual development of my children. I chose for my life's partner with utmost foolishness -- but that is my sin, and it should not be a cost my S's have to pay.
I almost wish my two were already teenagers before this D happened -- I would wish I had had a better chance to firm up the foundation of their moral character before all this had taken place. Right now, they are still much too young and impressionable.
And Karen, it is my job. It is my obligation as a parent so blessed by God to have children that I must raise them up in the way of the Lord, lest they depart from it. But if I take a laissez-faire attitude regarding xW's attempts to water down my efforts, then she will succeed in instructing them that Truth is relative and subject to self-righteous determination -- totally anathema to any true moral code of living. And rather than the liberation such views falsely promise it only becomes a damning millstone tied around one's soul.
I hear and see both positive and negative results in my S's words and deeds of late. Yes, S9 sees things as they are, but he is still too young to understand them fully and to know the dangers they represent. He has outstanding powers of observation, but his mother is unrelentless in her ability of persuasion. She has done yeoman's work to try to convince him what he sees is not what he thinks. I hear the lies she has fed him in his words to me. I hear her coaching both of my S's in their telephone conversations with me -- and I can tell instantly when an answer is one she has supplied and not something they would have normally said on their own.
Shall I trust her? I can indeed put my trust in God, but can I trust xW? I know that I am supposed to believe that God is in control of all things, and I do -- save that one thing: Free Will. So does anyone think that God will intercede on behalf of my S's when xW is exercising her very own Free Will -- with which God does not interfere? I cannot. That's not to say that God will not work directly with each of my S's -- but they are still much too young to make wise spiritual decisions for themselves. And that is why God commands us (in Deuteronomy, Proverbs, etc.) to lead our children until they can do so on their own.
I seem to keep repeating myself in this comment. I am struggling with this, trying to find the right balance, in accordance to myself and my S's and all these "outside" influences.
