Oddly... or not so oddly... I realized I was depressed today.
Listless, ready to fall asleep at a drop of the hat, feeling alone even though I'm not.
One reason I didn't go out with friends last night was that I felt unlovable. And I was exhausted, though in the past that would not stop me. Just would get lots of energy being around others. Opted not to go to cast party either where the guy I flirted with would be. I have images of being over the hill and alone.. along with being obese. Manage sadness, keep the numbing void with food. A fear that once the kids don't need me what will I turn to? Time to face the demons and continue to get healthy.
Happy to watch the Olympics, alone in the house, but comfy last night.
When I horse around with my daughter, I'll think... "Watch out, make sure you don't hurt Tiggy." when it's around where her bed once was.
I'm happy the house is being shown. Glad that it's looking good. Goodness, when I was picking out pictures of Tiggy over the years, the house was full of clutter where ever you looked. And messy clutter, too. I remember feeling overwhelmed, that I just couldn't do handle it. Cluttered house = cluttered mind. Clutter = hopelessness for me. Thank goodness people are coming through.. keeps a focus for me.
Down post. Oh well.. it's okay to feel it, acknowledge and do something to get out of it. Cleaned the kitchen before coming online.
