Trusting....Have you ever read or seen Dr. Gray's book, Venus and Mars, Starting Over? I highly recommend it if you haven't.
There is still too much focus on H and not enough on you. There is a tendency here on DB, this thread included, to label the WAS as crazy, in MLC land, he'll get his, etc.
My advice is to try and break free and move forward.
Yes, he is wrong to communicate thru the kids.
Yes, he may be projecting himself onto you.
Yes, it IS possible that this OW may not last.
Now..back to reality. The anger you are feeling is normal and healthy. In fact, it seems like if it took this long to come out that it was repressed and holding you back.
I have found, that, sometimes, the more we think, rationalize, analyze, etc...the worse off we are. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to accept what happened and log it in as part of our life history, grieve it and put it up on the shelf.
Now, what about you? What are YOU going to do with your kids for 2 weeks? Are you dating? Dancing?
Stay tough.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Thank you for your comments. It is so difficult for me not to analyze ex, that is what I do for a living so I tend to bring my work home with me.
I do feel better though when I just concentrate on myself and the kids. I seem to go back and forth on this, but am doing better every month.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting, I think that both of us have done better when we have stayed dark.
I too want to analyze and have a hard time resisting. For example, I can't help but find it interesting that several of us in similar timeframes have seen behavior improvements.
Part of me has not yet let go.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
I have been doing a lot of praying this week. Ex is on a cruise with OW and should be home today. Kids feeling bad because they have not heard from him at all. It is hard to see their pain.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Hi trusting....and Cagz...I dont post a thread but have been on the board for years and your timelines are both close to mine...bomb 2005....ow and torment...2007 files for divorce oct 2008 final..this weekend marries the OW ..the same one...a long plan....to try and look like there was no one else to enough time after the D...oh well fought the good fight....so sad....so hard to understand what the ow has when it seems they left so much..we did have a tradgey with our oldest son though so I know that is huge trigger for going off the deep end.....the remarriage is a hard one....so unbelievable
