When you were a teenager, you likely had raging hormones and sexual interests, but you had long periods of time without a sexual partner, and no sex with any of the family members you lived with (hopefully).
I'm in my late 30s and I have long periods of time without a sexual partner now ... the difference is - it's now my choice - it's not something that's imposed on me be because of the choices a partner makes.
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My marriage and family is a fulfilling situation, just not sexually.
Yep - I told myself that for years too.
You know the amazing thing though – post marriage, I actually still have all those things I liked about my marriage (with the exception perhaps of half my assets). I still have a great friendship with my xhusband (he vacationed here with me last month for a couple of weeks – we still adore each other, in a gorgeous platonic way that wasn’t possible when we were married and sticking to our own sides of the bed), a wonderful relationship with my in-laws and extended family (they now grudgingly respect the decisions I took to make my life better and more fulfilled – and as my mother-in-law said to me at Christmas “you are certainly showing us that the best revenge for the nah-sayers is a successful life well lived” – nicest compliment she could have given me). With a handful of exceptions we still both have all our old friendships … we didn’t have to split up our friends in a custody battle!
I have a closer relationship with the kids now, because I invested in that after their father and I separated.
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Your view might make good sense for you, and would make your decision easy in my case.
No Sir. Such a decision is never easy and shouldn’t be taken lightly. The decision to leave my marriage and the couple of years after it were the hardest and most painful of my life. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Having said that, 4 years down the track and I contemplate what my life would look like now had I not left the marriage. I’d still be in my hometown, I now live abroad. I’d still be wondering why my husband didn’t want to have an intimate relationship with me, I don’t have to wonder about that anymore. I’d still be worried about what people would think of me if they knew what was going on in my head. I now understand it’s none of my business what other people think of me. In short, I’d still be stuck in a life not-quite-right.
I’m never going to settle for not-quite-right again. We don’t have to. That’s the miracle of accepting we have choices – the choice to get it right or keep doing what we’ve been doing.
When you keep doing what you’ve always done – you keep getting what you’ve always got.
