The thing is... He has left and you are waiting for HIM to come back..he's taken full control of the sitaution... he decides when he's there, and when he's not.. and he expects YOu to be there when he is... And he even expects you to be home when he's NOT there... if you go out.. he wont' like it.. and will get very panicky about you going places without notice... he's a liar right now and so he suspects everyone else to be a liar as well... his sorry state makes him very cynical about people and their motives.
If YOU can hole up at a friend's place with your kids, then its HIM that has to chase YOU. He will have to make arrangements with YOU to meet him in your home which would then be a neutral territory.. best chioce there is for you to have a friend do that... This works out really well if you have a friend that needs errands done. You just swap... you get her groceries or dry cleaning and she takes your kids for a visit with your H... its a win win for you and your friend.. the only loser is your Husband...
You are NOT putting your friend out, you do everything you can to make her life easier.. she sort of takes over necessities on your end.. screening your phone calls and such while you take care of whatever business you can for her...
This is a hard arrangement to find, but if you can set this up... its GOLD.
You need to setup a safety zone from him I think.. its a common tactic... and it forces him to pursue you. You just have to make it CRYSTAL clear to him that you WANT your marriage, but the AFFAIR has to END.. once the affair's over.. he can have you and his marriage back.. UNTIL then... talk to the hand.
