Mb28, what is happening when you engage him is this :
1. His emotions are in an intense state of flux, joy, misery, anxiety, fear, sadness, excitement... everything... think teenager and you got the picture 2. When he seeks YOU out... YOU pick up that energy since you two are emotionally bonded.. you feel what he does... almost instantly. 3. When you BOTH are in an intense state like this, excitement takes over and both of you start going AT each other.. its like sex without the fun. It's an emotional exchange.. something lovers need from each other.
If you CAN steel yourself from this happening.. play Mr Spock and just stand back and let him rant while you don't bat an eye.. they go for it.. this is REALLY HARD... so I usually reccomend DISTANCE or having a friend with you to shield you.. he wont go for this exchange when you have a friend right beside you.. again this is like sex.
This is HIS dilemna. He can see the mess he's in and he is miserable... he feels like he has to make a VERY painful choice on either end and he is CONFLICTED beyond description right now. He's TORN... THIS is the drama... think Wuthering heights or something like that... it is silly from the outside because the solution is painfully obvious.. but to him its a lose - lose situation and he just has to emote to deal.
Don't give him this emotional exchange.. he is just going to take it to the OW and she will console him...
If you can't distance yourself emotionally, then my advice is to distance yourself physically ... YOu need a safety zone from him. A friend's house you can take the kids to maybe?
You need a place where YOU can go that you KNOW he won't be permitted to harass you... A friend or family member who would put you up at a moment's notice for the night - and you don't even tell him where you have gone.. you just GO.
When my wife's friend was separating and her H was being an ass we let her stay at my place.. this was several years ago... her H wouldn't dare come by here and she felt perfectly safe... she brought her laptop and clothes... we gave her a key and she adopted the guest room... she even helped maintain the house while she was there... she came and went as she pleased...
YOU need a safety zone like this.. is this possible at all?
