I really was hurt,scared,worried,embarrassed,paniced,angry,SCARED OF HELL OF OUR FAMILIES FUTURE,all in like a milisecond all these thoughts.
D was right about one thing, I went flipping crazy last nite for about 2 minutes, I put a whole in the wall right as cops left, she made a comment about something else and asked for her phone to call her friends,her mom and tried to walk out the front door, I did, I grabbed her and told listen good, you got this coming and you've had it coming for a long f'ing time, I didn't hold back on the swears.
I blistered her butt, how I missed the studded belt she had on, precision A MOMENT OF CLARITY.
My D she missed the point, it's not her fault, she has always been selfish and demanding, it's a mental thing with her, so unlike with most kids, it really does fall on deaf ears.She didn't see that she did anything wrong, forget the spanking she was more upset I had her phone and mom would understand and mom would rescue her and let her do what she wants.
I had nothing but nightmares about the Divorce, seeing my kids, all of this, even a real good one bad dream of wife and her family enjoying the vindictiveness, process and really just knocking the heck out of me.
It also hit, wtf, I'm taking BP medicine for someone else, I didn't care about my BP, wife did, I'm out what's that matter, looked at a bunch of stuff I've done for all of them.
OH I DID NOT GET THE WIFE A VALENTINES DAY CARD,I DID NOT HAVE THE KIDS GET HER A VALENTINES DAY CARD.
Kids didn't get me one, I got the kids cards and of course made a credit card purchase for them to have something.
Something else on this vent, truth hurts and to me it was just another jab, but my dad talks to wife at bball game she has him over before she goes out of town.
he calls me about it, i said what?why you telling me, you can go there, i can't, you can see the kids when you want i can't,why would you tell me she's going out of town, did i ask, why couldn't you drop the gifts you got the kids for vd day with me.
His reply Look Son her Beef is with you, not me.
like i said truth hurts.
other than telling d i love her mom and she probably needs to go over there and clean up, i haven't mentioned wife.
broke my streak of one wk of nc with wife on my part, again she's called or texted and i haven't responded, had it made if 2 things, I didn't let D go out or if she hadn't done what she did. Chicken/Egg kinda thing or I'm just having one heck of a streak of bad luck.
I will get this figured out. Knew texts to wife about what happened with D was too much of a story, but I was not calling her and if it was important enough to her, IT IS HER HOUSE, she says, she would've called.
I KNOW the only people I trust are the ones on this board and that's really it.
