When do you request your spouse end an EA?

[Kelly23]

Dani honey, I say this with the utmost respect and concern for your situation. You sound like you are codependent in this relationship.
You said "H has also done many many other things for which I am grateful from car help to childcare etc. being there to talk and for time immediatly at my request." He is not helping with chidlcare. It is his son. It is a requirement. And I bet if you called him in the middle of the night when he was with OW, he would not jump in the car and run to your home becuase it would make her angry.
Of course he is not going to miss your date night, that keeps you from standing up to him and telling him it is either you or her. Cheating men would love to be able to sleep with their mistresses during the week and run home to the W for a date night when he wants. If he is nice to you, you are going to allow him to keep disregarding your marriage vows and cheat.

Not trying to be too blunt, but what does your son call the OW? Does he tell people that she is a friend, a girlfriend? What do you think H's actions are teaching your son?