Well DanceQueen, in another thread, you mentioned that HD is sometimes more situational for women, and that women sometimes find it a turn-off that men are not so situationally dependent for their sex drives because women would rather feel that it is specific to them, not just sex for the sake of sex. But on the other hand, maybe women do benefit from men's more constant sex drives after all, otherwise, there would be many men who would not want to have sex with their wives because "not everything was right about the relationship". As you wrote:
Originally Posted By: DanceQueen
But when I really examine the truth, I know that I was always HD, I just didn't want to have sex with my ex-h.
Why? Well...there were numerous reasons...sexual attraction was never there (he was the classic nice guy and it turned me off), he wasn't meeting my needs as a husband (I had to do everything, literally everything...medical, kids, financial, major purchases, major decisions, housework, yard work, I was the main breadwinner, everything you can think of in terms of leading a family, including all the involvement with his very large family)...his sexual aptitude was very low...it was just plain all around a dud of a sex life for me. For his part, he felt that all that was needed to have sex was an erection, and since he had one, we should have been getting it on. No matter how I would try to entice him into taking on a bit more in our marriage, some new things in the bedroom, etc...it never seemed to make any difference. I realize now, he is who he is and I should have just loved him for who he was, or left much earlier.
How about if I apply those standards to my wife, reversing the gender on your sentences, "For her part, she felt that all that was needed to have sex was to just lie there", "no matter how I would try to entice her... it never seemed to make any difference"? Too bad my sex drive wasn't vulnerable to these things, or else I could have doubly blamed my wife for my SSM -- not only did she not want sex, she made me not want sex either. And, a third effect, she also made me not want sex with anybody else either!
My question to you, DQ, is how can you let someone have so much power over your sex drive that he not only made you not want sex with him, he ruined your sex drive for anybody else, or even by your solitary self?
So perhaps it's a good thing that HD men are not so situationally dependent? Otherwise, many men would lose their HD after the countless times their situationally-dependent HD wives turn them down for sex. Such vulnerable men would then lose their sex drives after many rejections, making their situationally-dependent-HD wives feel even more rejected. So perhaps a man's sure-fire and constant HD is what is needed to break the spiral, and make a woman feel that a man is more like an "alpha rock" with his sex drive, rather than losing his erection every time a long list of emotional requirements is not in place.
As I've heard it, many women with LD or no-D men feel utterly rejected and envy women who complain jokingly about their eternally-erect husbands chasing them around the house. Sure, some women might feel turned-off by their man's eternal sexual desire because it feels like sex just for the sake of sex, but I think that reaction is more common among women who don't want much sex even under the best of circumstances.
As for the myth men's need for sex for sex's sake, even though my desire for my wife has never been situational, it doesn't mean I'd have much interest in bedding most women. In fact, only a minority of women fit my sexual "type", and I have literally no sexual attraction to most women. But if the woman fits my "type" in terms of both physical attraction, intelligence and personality, than my drive is pretty darn constant regardless of what she's recently said or done, or what time of day it is. In other words, a woman would feel that my sex drive for her is based on her for herself -- exactly what women want to feel -- rather than being based on if she said something insulting to me the day before, i.e., if "my feelings were hurt" and all that kind of wimpy non-alpha stuff.
So it seems to be the eternal double-bind that women sometimes try to put men into. They want them to be emotionally sensitive and vulnerable, but if they show it, they're wimpy and sexually unappealing.
