Stark: Is the hardest part trying to see what is your W's point of view, and what is from the man who broke his own M to be with her, and now is trying to finish off yours'?
If she felt 'smothered', mabye this is a good time to think about yourself. You talked a lot about her dreams, degrees, etc. What about you?
I read a book that talked about the differences in men and women (Improve your marriage without talking about it) which said that when a W leaves at night, men feel like something is missing and it makes them uncomfortable. It sounds like that might be true for you. It also sounds like her leaving you behind might have been part of the problem.
Can you smother without spending much time? Maybe. My W is so needy, always wanting me at home even though I usually am, that when I'm with her I just want out. I'd love to go out with her, but she doesn't. What about you? Is there a reason you've been hands off instead of going out and having fun, exciting things to do with her?
A healthy parent has a healthy M. My kids (5!) have been a drag on my R, not because of them, but because my W has always seen herself as a mother, not a wife. Lately, she is now feeling like both. What about you? Are you a father, or husband? Both? How do you show that?
I've asked you a lot of questions I've asked myself, except one. Are you OK having sex with a woman who's doing another man? Can you really, deep down, forgive her? Time will prove your ideas true, but what does your soul tell you now?
If you can, pick up your socks and be the best you can be but make sure every door to your house and heart are open with boundaries to protect yourself. If you can't, be the best anyhow, it is your life.
