what a difference 3 days makes....one heck of a backslide...
W suddenly started yelling at me how she isn't happy and will never change. told me that our night of intimate touching was just her checking to see if she had any feelings...and she says it didn't change anything (feel like she just did it out of pitty for me now)
enter last night - began to tell me that she would be better off dead....had to nearly break the bathroom door down when i heard her in the medicine cabinet...caught her with pills in hand and had to physically take them from her.
this am - screaming that she isn't happy and doesn't want "this" anymore.
told her last night that no matter what happens between her and i that i would never want her dead and that her kids need her now more than ever....hope it sinks in, but then she proceeded to yell at me for trying to put thoughts in her head and telling her what she is thinking.
i fear for her safety....do i let her father know her actions? she would be furious about me telling anyone about our problems right now....
back to square one...do i just go very dark and pretty much ignore her anymore? It is hard as we live together and our kids are always near - can't really afford to pay a babysitter so limited on how to GAL other than reading and exercising...
think LRT is my only option at this point...don't really expect any replies, had to get this out of my head.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Do NOT ignore someone who you believe is thinking of suicide! Call a suicide hotline, ask for advice. She needs to see a doctor for depression. This is not the same as marital problems. This is severe depression. it is mental illness.
She could be just trying to control or whatever, but put those feelings aside.
Lotus got it right - get help for her. Seems like something dangerous. Having kids, don't we learn there are a million ways for them to kill themselves? Much truer for adults. Why take the risk and then have kids trying to understand how life could be so bad one would have no hope? Can you get a free counsellor in your state?
In a way, feel better about yourself today. Yes, your negativity may have brought her part way down this path, but equally likly, she may have always been on it and she's lucky you didn't leave. Just because she yelled today doesn't mean that she won't thank you later...
Her father's a convict and you didn't sound too respecting of him, so why call?
You are NOT at square one. Maybe she's feeling you are becoming so good, but she's getting worse. Your KM problems sound long-term, but not all or nothing. For example, she said she touched you and didn't feel anything. That doesn't prove anything except that M problems take time to solve.
Word of caution. If you really think she would've needed a 911 call had you not opened the door, you both need counselling. Until then, try to make sure you: - aren't verbally abusive (think custody) - aren't crying and emotional around her (think blame) - aren't going 'dark' (focus on you, not ignore her)
I hope that something I wrote has some value. Remember to pick and choose with all of our advice to you Gman, only you are living your life.
Lotus got it right - get help for her. Can you get a free counsellor in your state?
she will not - she has made that VERY clear....i think i will contact one of those hot lines and ask what to do about a person who refuses any help
Originally Posted By: Onthemountaintop
Her father's a convict and you didn't sound too respecting of him, so why call?
he still is her father, and would think he would like to know his daughter would rather be dead....he is an ass but still her family.
Originally Posted By: Onthemountaintop
Your KM problems sound long-term, but not all or nothing. For example, she said she touched you and didn't feel anything. That doesn't prove anything except that M problems take time to solve.
not sure what KM means - i just hope she gives me the time it takes to try and right our ship.....again she is dead set against it.
Originally Posted By: Onthemountaintop
I hope that something I wrote has some value. Remember to pick and choose with all of our advice to you Gman, only you are living your life.
V-Day...what an emotional ride~
more help than you all know - yeah not the V-day i was expecting either...lol
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
My W appeared 'dead set' for a long time. It took a while for her actions to match her words - and even then, there is still the gap.
KM was supposed to be M (marriage)...typos!
I agree the dad needs to know. I'm not sure if you have to be the one to tell him. Maybe call the free hotline, then ask them if you should tell. (First place I found on a search was http://www.thelisteningear.net , but there are many others)
My W wouldn't go to counselling. I made it a condition of working on the M (I'll work on us if you work on you), you aren't in that position because she's unhappy.
How about - "I want the kids to be happy with you, M or D. Do you want them to be in fear of you leaving them all alone when they love you deeply"? I don't know if this is a good idea, but it is something to consider.
I keep thinking V-Day, D-Day, just can't get that out of my mind! Still, I bought a $7 plant (tulips) for her and she loved it. Can you get out of the house and get her something today if you want to? It might show your negativity is getting better - that even when she did what you did, you can still respect her.
Can you get out of the house and get her something today if you want to? It might show your negativity is getting better - that even when she did what you did, you can still respect her.
i gave her a small box of candies earlier - same one i got the kids ....didn't seem to care for that much. at this point i think if i got her something "more" than that it would be persuing to her and just make her mad.
she went shopping so i am with kids right now - going to just go for a drive after she gets back (not going to tell her where i am going - she will probably say going to the bookstore again for stupid books?).
will go running later tonight after i have the kids taken care of (baths, PJ's and such). running is one of the only things i do that i can control anymore....bad day run real hard, instead of getting mad...god day nice easy run...down 12 pounds in 4 weeks now...:)
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Ya, if you gave her something, you would be pursing to give more. Just because she seemed cold, doesn't mean it is cold to you. For me, I have never (yes, never) loved my W. To not be able to give her love when I feel so much love for my kids and a few others makes me feel very guilty. Showing that you care about her and the door to the improving you is open doesn't mean pursuing and trying to get her to say she loves you. I still can't say that to my W, but I hope I will soon.
Living out in western Canada, driving is like a blood transfusion - my W doesn't understand that! I've got 14lbs, feels great, doesn't it. Very macho perhaps, but still awesome. I'm sure you have more control over your life than you think, but R problems seem so much more powerful when you're in them.
Living out in western Canada, driving is like a blood transfusion - my W doesn't understand that! I've got 14lbs, feels great, doesn't it. Very macho perhaps, but still awesome. I'm sure you have more control over your life than you think, but R problems seem so much more powerful when you're in them.
it does feel great, but a slight "guilt" to it as well i suppose....i mean it took to this point for me to take cre of myself in her eyes.
R problems are causing me insanity i think....on the other hand i am taking fish oil now for my brain health...wonder if if they will negate each other...lol
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
The guilt I get from driving is that I'm a bit of an environmentalist at heart...not enough to floor it at times, but only when I'm really at wits end~
so each day i feel her hate growing for me - i can see it in her eyes. she cornered me before work this am and continued on how can we live like this - she doesn't love me, has no feelings for me and how can i be with a wife that doesn't want to have sex with "you".
i may have read inbetween the lines and opened my big mouth because of my stupid emotions in control - said "not with me, but someone else".....yeah that didn't help.
she is very afraid of the future i can see, she told me that she does want to be married to someone she loves(unfortunately she does not love me).
i reminded her that life is hard, and that she is at a cross-road in her life....the road she chooses is up to her and her alone. she then told me that there is no way i would make it easy for her if she filed for a divorce....hope i did the right thing by telling her my true feelings -
"of course i am not going to make it easy, i am fighting for my family and my kids, i am not going to just roll over like i have for so long and let you get your way. you have to do what you have to do, and each choice will have it's own results"
she tells me i am laying guilt on her by saying this - am i? i do not mean to, but it is the truth.
a quote from Val Kilmar in the movie "Heat" describes my feelings best for my W "my sun rises and sets with her"
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
