Stepping out and Stepping UP!

[cagzmom]

Another holiday.. glad i never was into this one anyway. oh well right?

so wierd. i have nothing to report... haven't seen him for awhile. trying to take the advice of many here and just do my own thing.

s21 was home for a couple days to take care of some stuff.. he went and saw xh for just a bit.. while he was there found out he had been to Vegas recently. but now he only has $3 in his checking account!!?? whatever.. just dont say anything why do you have to lie??! but again - i shouldn't care.

so much has changed within me over the past month. i have completely let go.. or close. i still wonder way to much about him, who he is with or not with and about his life. i dont want to think about him anymore. but i do.

that part of all of this is probably one thing that bothers me the most. the amount of time and energy that i have spent dreaming/loving/hoping thinking about someone who really doesn't care about anyone but himself.

all the tears......... oh my gosh. waisted on him. Jeez

some things i still dont understand.

my kids - his kids. The LACK of contact. He doesn't call/text email d13 ever. UNLESS it is the day he is going to pick her up... and even that is scarce. I just dont get that one. He adored her. wanted a baby girl so badly....... this i will never understand...

the hurt they cause..

oh well.. another day. another holiday.. coming up on the 3 year anniversary of when he left. WOW! can't wait till i forget these milestones!!