Soaring Solo 2010

[Gardener]

journaling,
Today's recurring thought was that I am becoming quite apathetic to being divorced (see "complete" comment from yesterday).

However,*

As a former AWAW, I can tell you that fear of losing her will show on you and it will be a turn-off to her. I believe that regardless of what WAW say to their LBH, they truly want to see him show strength and leadership.

I sometimes have wondered what might may have happened if I found DB sooner than 7 months post-bomb.
I spent 7 months doing all the formulaically wrong things! Pleading, weeping, walking on eggshells, being remote and acquiescent to keep her from moving further away. Assuming it must be faults/flaws, lackings in me.

*My H was a nice guy but it was more his passive ways that made me so angry with him. He was so "nice" and so passive with me that I just wanted to slap him to get some other kind of reaction from him.

Although, I didn't start out that way: I was much more assertive, decisive, in charge in the beginning - and for years. I changed with ever-growing contentment.

The second six months I DB'ed, but neither strongly nor consistently and way too late.

The last two months I squarely faced the profound changes in her as a person, her abandoning of her word, promises, commitments and vows. And the hostile, disdainful, self-absorbed ways she treated me.

A long, inevitable journey to apathy.

*Every time I read a post fromSandi, I get another glimpse into (my) truth.