!Help! Need Advice and encouragement!

[stark648]

She has always wanted to be a nurse, but hasn't taken classes for fear of failure. She also thinks I have not been supportive to her. I have told her to take some classes, but I had told her to get organized and be ready to study vs. tv, computer etc. She has never really been self-disciplined enough to stay with diets, exercise, housework, studying or any of her projects. I helped her with studying to get her high school GED, real estate license, restaurant manager training, and bank training.(She works at a bank, now--but hates it-and is only working part-time.) I told her that i would pay for the first year of school as part of the divorce settlement, so she could get her LVN and support herself. I had also hoped that would delay the divorce and let us try to reconcile. That was before she moved in with that other guy.(after his wife moved out) (Originally, she was going to stay with her mother or sleep on our couch). She can only stand her mother for short periods, however. I have been "hands-off" and letting her do "whatever" without calling, etc. We do talk or text some because of her picking up the kids from school or to visit them. She says I am a good father, husband, provider, etc., but I have been "smothering" her. I have always liked being with her and I liked her at home with me and the kids sometimes. She likes to go out with friends and family and liked me taking care of the kids. I just tried to keep a little balance in that and a little balance in the bank account as well. Now, she is trying to spend a lot more time with the kids.(but not at our house). She doesn't feel comfortable at our house or with me because she says she feels guilty--but she says she shouldn't because "our marriage has been over for years". She also says she has felt guilty for so long because she hasn't felt the way she should towards me and has been "stuffing her feelings down" or faking it. I am open to suggestions...I have done the 180 on pressure/pursue and am trying to GAL, but I think she is encouraging me to find someone else so she doesn't feel so guilty in her actions. I even switched gears and was "needy" for a bit, because the OM is needy. That had her calling me more, but then she was wanting to hurry with the mediation to maybe get divorced quicker. I stopped being needy. She is really trying to limit her contact at all with me (OM may be coaching her, I don't know.) We do not yell at each other, but she is rather indifferent to me. Any suggestions? 180 and GAL may not be working at all...