Hello, all, thanks for all of your words. I can't tell you how much they help.
Kerry, that's a funny link. I've heard Misisipi Mike's work before.
Thanks for the good thoughts, Cat.
Karen, to explain: Every Monday I take S9 to his cub scout den meetings. On my weeks of custody, his little brother, S5, stays the evening with his mother, since I am busy with the den. At first, it was just until the den meeting was over, and S9 and I would stop by and pick up S5 on our way back to my place. But then S5 started announcing he really wanted to stay with his mother instead of coming home with me. I have been a fool, for fear of looking like a brute to my son were I to have denied him his mother, but now it's become a habit. xW is now thinking it needs to be permanent arrangement because S5 is still "so young and needs his mommy".
I think I need to stop that. I am coming to the mindset that I would rather I placed S5 with a sitter than put up with xW's presumption.
Thanks for the hugs.
BND, I put up a lot of expense for S9's scouting activities, for which xW does nothing to compensate. Now I am preparing to enroll S5 into the local soccer program that his older brother had once participated in -- I dare say that despite xW's nagging inquiries and prying about how I involve my S's in outside activities, she won't lift a finger to do any of the heavy lifting herself, but yet she will insist on taking all the glory for their accomplishments and insinuate herself into the special events.
Take this weekend's Scout Sunday as an example.
As it turns out, she did manage to get S9 to this evening's service as she had promised and signed up for. However she insisted on bringing the OM.
I got to the church early myself, but unfortunately I am on call for work this week. I got called away to resolve an issue. Before I left I was coming to the impression that xW would be a no-show. (I left to find a Wi-Fi hotspot that I could dial into my office and resolve an issue.)
I got back about fifteen minutes after the service had already started -- and I was surprised to see xW's minivan. But when I went inside I took a peek inside and saw that they were all seated in a row in the back of the sanctuary -- and OM was with them.
I don't know what to say. Something held me back and I could not enter the service at that point. I hovered outside in the hallway peeking through the windows and debating whether I wanted to go in and risk a scene -- especially with my S's there.
There they were in a row, their backs to me, xW, S9, OM and S5 -- and it sickened me.
I paced down the hall to gather my wits and breath some air - trying to marshal the seething anger and pain welling up within me. What hurt me most was seeing OM's arm around S5 -- and S5's head leaning his head upon OM.
I went back to the building's entrance and stood like a sentry (wearing my scout leader's uniform) and pondered this frak'ed-up world we live in. I prayed to God for calmness and strength, and I wrestled with what the right reaction should be.
So many thoughts and emotions were overwhelming me. The horror of it all. The injustice, the vile heartlessness. The sheer lack of conscience. The foolish recklessness. The offensiveness to everything that the service represented.
And I wondered at how dismally foolish xW could be in allowing someone like that get so close to these children -- without really knowing who he is. She has never even thought to run the background checks on OM that I have, or to even question the history of his frequent trysts with women with children of other M's. What drives a man to seek out, not once but three other times, married women with children? Is it not unreasonable to wonder if his target is not the mothers but their children?
I have no such evidence against OM, so I am not saying with any certainty that he is such a predator -- he may or may not be. But the point is that, at the same time, neither can she provide assurances that these easily drawn perceptions are not true. Something's just not right with this picture here, even when you put the A aside.
Okay, I know I need to stop focusing on xW and OM. And yes that's easier said than done. I am still responsible for my S's well being. But she's going to obviously marry this creep. I am dead certain that's where xW is heading or at least believes she's heading. It remains to be seen what his real intentions are. Still, knowing xW, I put my money on her ability to coerce the cretin into marrying her, eventually.
So there's nothing I can do to thwart that. Frankly, I don't really care about what she does anymore as long as my kids are not involved or harmed in any way. And there's the rub -- I don't believe for one second she has anything left in her soul that would put our S's ahead of her own desires. And as such she will delude herself into thinking OM is a good person, even if he were to turn out to be the worst of predators and a pedophile.
I wish there was some way to reason with xW, to get her to see the wisdom in discretion. But then if she were capable of that we'd likely never have had a reason to D in the first place.
I'd like to say to her that I don't want our S's to be around OM -- ever. At the very least, I don't want him ever to come in physical contact with my S's - it's just not natural and unseemly. He is not their parent and he has never been a parent -- he needs to stay away from my kids.
I would like to say to xW: For once, put the shoe on the other foot. If I had been the adulterer and if I had been the one to rip our family apart and had I been the one who was attempting to supplant her with my intended A-partner, she would react no less threatened and alarmed for our S's well being. She would be demanding that our S's never be exposed to an OW -- in fact she would be trying to sue me for full custody.
I also can't fathom how brazenly she brings her partner in sin into the church that I and my S's attend. She has no shame and no conscience. Were I to have done such a thing she would have openly asked the pastor to cast me out of the service.
I just don't get how someone can live with themselves when they have done such things, are continuing to do such things.
Right now I am too conflicted -- so I'm going to sleep on this. I will pray for guidance, for the wisdom to act or not act, for the peace and the patience to persevere, and the faith to be able to accept that God's will shall be done.
