#2: WAH separated from us & I'm on the DBing path

[avermont]

[/quote]Doing The Work ON:
H should give our marriage a chance.

1. Is it true?
I think so.

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
No.

3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
I feel indignant, desperate, helpless.

4. Who would you be without the thought?
I would feel more peaceful.

Turn it around and find three genuine, specific examples of how the turnaround is true in your life.

H shouldn’t give our marriage a chance.
1. he is in a lot of pain
2. he has asked me to change and I haven’t
3. he already gave our marriage a chance by going to marriage counselling

I should give our marriage a chance.
1. I need to accept our marriage as it is right now.
2. I need to find peace in where we are at.
3. I can tend my deep connectedness to H in my heart.[quote]

Let's see if I got the quote stuff right, and then The Work:

X should give me a chance to work on our R.

1.Is it true?
I think so.

2.Can I absolutely know it's true?
I guess not.

3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Sad, sad, guilty, remorse

4. Who would you be without the thought?
Here's where I don't understand The Work. Who would I be without the thought: X should give me a chance to work on our R? Ummm... someone who doesn't care about making amends? someone who is cold and says: oh, well, he didn't give me a chance, tough on him?

Turn it around and find three genuine, specific examples of how the turnaround is true in your life.

X shouldn't give me a chance.
1. I pushed him away for years.
2. He was starving for love and commitment.
3. He stuck with my behavior for 23 years.

I should give our R a chance
1. I desperately want that chance.
2. I want to work to bring our R to a better, deeper level.
3. I had 23 years of chance, and I blew it.

Hmmm...I think I need some coaching with this!

Sigh.