I think your goals sound just about right, but don't take it from me! I gave up on all goals (except my own GAL and healing) as there is NC between me and X...
Take it one step at a time. There will be set backs for each step forward. Don't make it a reflection on YOU. You do the best you can do for YOU...and H will respond or not, as his heart and soul tell him to do.
If he does X or Y, note it, accept it, and make adjustments as needed. But don't make it YOUR failure or success. You are being the best you possible, and H will respond to that as he will.
I mean that to be encouraging--I hope it is!
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
