How do I expose the affair

[newmama]

Whatnow, are you saying that mb should NOT create distance because her WH will turn the other way (i.e. toward OW?)? please clarify.

[mb28]

Not sure if the OWH, but I found out today that the OW father found out. My H texted and called me saying he was done, how dare I do something like that, blah blah blah. The funny thing is I had nothing to do with her father finding out. I guess someone sent him a letter saying she was having an affair with a married man.

I let my H have it. I told him how dare he accuse me of something I had nothing to do with. I told him this was his and OW's mess and I want no part of it. I said that it was sick how he was letting this OW control him and that she means nothing to me, and then called her a few choice names. He immediately started to apologize to me and say he was sorry. I finally told him I was done with all this drama and hung up on him.

He started texted me how sorry he was and wanted to know if he could come over and talk. I said NO!!!! He kept texting “I’m sorry”, and I didn’t respond, then he finally texted “Does this mean your done with me now”. I responded that I didn’t know what I wanted, and that I needed some time, and that I was sick of him treating me like @#%%. He responded with “I understand, I’m sorry; please let me know when you want to talk”. I haven’t responded and that was about 3 hours ago.

[newmama]

YEAH mb28! GOOD JOB with standing up for yourself and remaining elusive about "if you are done with him!"

So who do you think wrote the letter to her dad? Any guess?

I feel so proud of you!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

GOOD! Let him stew for about 24 hours.

Puppy

[mb28]

newmama,
Thank you so much, I feel pretty good today. I've been walking on egg shells around watching what I say. And it felt so good to get it out and not act like the desperate one for a change.

I have no idea who sent the letter, I've been trying to figure out who it may have been. I have a feeling it was either some of her friends or coworkers. But I'm guessing.

[mb28]

I will let him stew, thank you puppy.

[Gnosis]

mb I've kind of been watching your thread on and off (mostly off)...

Congratulations on holding yourself together during his confrontation and giving him an excellent response.

I'd encourage you to go dark for longer than the 24 hours recommended by Puppy. I'd say go dark until Tuesday. Sit back and relax now with the comfort of knowing their VD is ruined. Another thing you can draw comfort from is the two of them arguing on who the source was... since it wasn't you. She won't believe him and he believes you. Very nice.

Switch off all your phones now.
Don't open your email.

Take a break now to let the dust settle. Enjoy your children. Do something special with them tomorrow and Monday. Sit back and relax.

[mb28]

Gnosis,
Thank you, that sounds perferct and it's just what I'll do.

[Allen A]

Well done. The obvious course of action is as clearly stated.. DISTANCE yourself for at least three days. Do NOT ACCEPT ANY of his calls, texts, or anything. If he comes by you LEAVE.

This is your chance to SHOW him you are NOT a doormat... you show him by action - by shutting him out.

This "talk" thing if his is interesting.. what on earth does he expect to accomplish by talking.

His problem isn't with talking.. he can't put himself into the deep end of the pool and make a solid commitment to either of you.. he is playing both of you and hates it... he thought it was fun for a while, but now he realizes how stressful and unplesasant it is. Talking isn't a solution - him acting like a man is.

I would tell him that when he tries to "lets talk" again. I would tell him "Talk isn't what we need... YOU need to either make an honest commitment to your marriage or make a complete mess of two marriages and run away with this floozy... like that's going to last. Marriage is about honesty, commitment, and hard work... if you're ready for that, you send her packing and I am here willing to be a family with you... otherwise you need to start packing and get ready to be a part time dad"

And hang up or leave (if in person)

It's at a point now that you can throw a few truth bullets at him like that.

[MHL]

mb28,
Wow, you have come such a long way, I am just checking in. I told you that you had a lot of positives going on and you are reaping the harvest of your good DBing efforts over a month ago. You are in the driver's seat and you are getting the BEST advice on these boards IMO. You have the DB dream team in your corner. Keep it up and remember, YOU WILL SUCCEED !!!!!