As a relatively new DB'er, I think the emotional roller coaster the LBS is on the first few months after an EA or PA is discovered or a WAS announces their intention to S or D really prevents us from implementing what works. Our natural response is to pursue, cling and accommodate, which is a total turn off to the WAS but it is normal human nature to do this.
Only when the LBS realizes that the R they had is over anyway (and why would you want to go back to a R that was on the road to failure?) and can step back and listen to what experienced DB'ers are telling us, will there be any chance of saving the M. That's hard to do at first and even when you begin to get it you search for the right balance of acting like a WAS yourself and come off as totally not caring or still caring too much and not going far enough to claim your own independence and confidence to become attractive again.
As for what works, this http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love...ples-counseling affirms to me what Robx, Sandi2, and other veterans are saying in that the WAS and LBS have to "flip their script" so that the LBS is not in the weak, submissive position. It's not just certain vets on this forum that recommend this approach.
