I'm in the process of setting boundries with this, but am curious as to why he would even care when his intention is to give up ownership and responsibility to the property?
Mistake! you can not try to make sense of something that has no sense.
Re: alt, look at ThiscanNotBetheEND(RING ON RING OFF) thread the last 5 or 6 posts should explain what you need to do.
Gotcha OP. You're right nothing seems to make sense anymore as far as H is concerned, but it's not my problem. All I need to do is deal with each issue that comes up that concerns me and enforce boundries. 180 for me, for me.
Thank you all for your incites. I couldn't be in a better place while going through this.
cat- I thought maybe it was H's way of trying to keep a foot in the door, but I sure can see your way of thinking. Just the curious me looking for answers. Better use of time to use that energy on me.
Will try to find my way around FB this weekend, a 3 dayer, yippee! Will let you know if I'm successful. lol!
In a way it is their way of keeping a foot in the door, but it isn’t as simple as that unfortunately. It falls under the category of they don’t want us, but the don’t want anyone else to want us either. Most of them keep some sort of contact and try to maintain some sort of control. Through kids, finances, any way that they can.
I know it seems contradictory. I know it seems crazy. That is an earmark of MLC. It can make us crazy on every level because we never know which way is up. That is why the detatchment is important. To help you get to a place where the things that he does just become things that he does.
FB, definitely let us know. I am one of the unfindable because my H was an incredible snooper, still is I suspect. I am at the point where I want him to know nothing about my life unless it is something I choose to tell him. Which means he knows only anything that pertains to his being a father. Other than that, well, this is my life.
Anyway, smile, try to have a good day.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Need some advice. Today H took D11 to breakfast. D17 was busy doing community service project and couldn't go with them.
D's have made it clear to H that they do not want to meet ow at this time. Their choice. According to D11, H wanted her to go to a swim meet that ow's grandchildren were participating in. D11 told him no thank you. H got a bit irritated that D11 didn't want to go and told her that she would have to get over this at some point because things were not going to change. The reason (besides the obvious) that this bothers me is that H can take the time out to attend ow's grandchildren's swim meets but can't even bother to attend D11's basketball games. She has asked him numerous times and he always has an excuse. D11 is a trooper, but I know this hurts her. Do I say anything to H about this or keep my mouth shut?
SA, I think I would keep my mouth shut, as painful as it is to see. Really, their relationship is theirs, and he is the one who is causing her the pain. I doubt at this point if you saying anything would make a difference anyway, and would just push him further away. She is old enough to understand what is going on at least to some extent. I know she is hurt and I know how much pain that causes you as a mom to see. Just love her and be glad you are not the one causing the pain.
Out of everything that has happened between H and I, the only thing I can't take is when my kids are hurting. Do what you want to me, but don't hurt the kids. H doesn't even make the connection. All he says is they aren't the first kids to go through this, they won't be the last. What a bunch of crap! I work with kids with special needs and I see what this kind of thinking does to them. It is very sad indeed.
H and I used to have discussions about this very thing and agreed that this is part of the reason why the world is so screwed up. Then he goes and does this and puts his own kids through it. MLC sure has clouded up his judgement.
You're right in saying it is their relationship and at some point knowing her like I do she'll probably let him have it both barrels. I will keep out of it.
