Her complaints. She indicated I never valued her as a wife. >I would say things in public to bring her down. >I didnt support her when she was having issues with some of my friends wifes.. I tried to keep it together for everyones sakes instead of picking her side.. I wanted everyone to be happy. >I treated her like a house wife and mother instead of a wife. >I wouldnt do anything special for her. Never bought flowers >She was a stay at home mom for 9 years, and I did alot of stuff, diners, lunches etc and never took her. >I neglected her, and took her for granted that she was always going to be there. ( I told her that I was wrong in doing this) >She lost the effection towards me approx 2 years ago. I felt it, and then I suffocated her.. ( Her words) >I always wanted to be intimate with her, and when she refused I would get upset at her. > never cared for her feelings > never asked her about her feelings > when she said she needed to find herself, I fluffed it off..
I never gave her the attention that she deserved..
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
Her complaints. She indicated I never valued her as a wife. >I would say things in public to bring her down. >I didnt support her when she was having issues with some of my friends wifes.. I tried to keep it together for everyones sakes instead of picking her side.. I wanted everyone to be happy. >I treated her like a house wife and mother instead of a wife. >I wouldnt do anything special for her. Never bought flowers >She was a stay at home mom for 9 years, and I did alot of stuff, diners, lunches etc and never took her. >I neglected her, and took her for granted that she was always going to be there. ( I told her that I was wrong in doing this) >She lost the effection towards me approx 2 years ago. I felt it, and then I suffocated her.. ( Her words) >I always wanted to be intimate with her, and when she refused I would get upset at her. > never cared for her feelings > never asked her about her feelings > when she said she needed to find herself, I fluffed it off..
I never gave her the attention that she deserved..
Any other parts to that list that you can own?
Sounds like no "quality time", "words of affirmation", "presents".(all thats missing is "acts of service" & "touch", those are probably yours)
Three of the "Five Lanquages of Love" by Gary Chapman. Add that to your to do list Read above book in a few weeks. Not now. You have been speaking the wrong language to communicate to your wife. That is something you can work on later.
Now you have to stop suffocating her, give her space(so she can work on herself). Detach/NC if possible if not then dim. GAL.
Keep your eyes and ears open and your mouth closed.
LOL... as an Italian guy, eyes and ears open, no problem.. Mouth shut!.... kidding.. I fully understand..
I realise that I was suffocating her.. Detaching is now in full swing as of today!... I will also purchase the book five languages of love and read it in a couple of weeks..
I really hope that its not too late...
In reading the DR book, it indicated that love is a living thing, if you nuture it, it will grow.. That section in the book is excellent..
I was thinking that I should print that out and have my W read it ? bad idea? thoughts?
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
dont get me wrong, recently, say the last 6 months or so I bought flowers.. Obviously, too late...
I am changing me..tough, but I know it will be for the better.. thanks for the support.. I just hope I didnt screw this all up!.
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
What are you going to do that is pursuing? Lotus suggested you leave her alone and work on you. How are you going to pursue her? Don't pursue, Write it down here first and ask?
I suggested that he show her that he can change and give her flowers for Valentine's Day. You may call it pursuing. I call it acknowledging that the other person is right and showing her that you hear what she is saying, and you are willing to change to make your lives better. If you don't start being nicer to her, why would she want to stay with you? Her words are that you NEVER give her flowers. At least you will be able to point to this ONE time that you gave her flowers.
Last night was the darkest moment of both our lives.. Mostly for me I beleive. I guess now I question whether or not the flowers is a good idea based on the way things ended last night.. I am sooooooo confused.. Tired, and really not thinking straight.. This is very draining on both of us..
I would love nothing more than to buy her flowers..
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
well let's see, you took the hard ass approach and made the decision that you're not going to live in limbo anymore and now you want to get her flowers..... hmmmm....
I'm thinking probably not a good idea, she would probably chuck the flowers as soon as receiving them.
