Making a list of things to talk with H about tomorrow as for some reason when he is here...I totally forget stuff...he seems to have the effect on me!
What I do is anything that can be dealt with by email, I do that rather than in person. That gives H the choice of following up in person or by email or by phone, and picking his own timing. H doesn't have good associations with having talks with me, so I try to avoid any talks. When he comes here I hope he will gradually relax and not feel that I am going to pounce on him with "things that need to be talked about". If there really are things to be discussed, maybe tackle them only one issue per visit. And remember a "soft startup", rather than jumping abruptly into talking about an issue. Esp. because it's Vday tomorrow, don't be the one with the "laundry list" of items to talk about, since they are not likely to be things that he is thrilled to have to talk about.
Don't worry about not having good advice to give in other people's threads. Sometimes I give dumb advice without realizing it, but it actually works out well because the vets jump in and correct me and give the person with the sitch really good advice.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
