loving distance

[newmama]

Hi, CW, I was following your thread and have been putting similar tactics in place between Oct to Feb (am now slowly withdrawing) so I get what you are doing...good job so far!

BUT I cringed when I read you were going to give him a card for V day! DON'T DO IT--too much! It will come across as chasing, too.

But meeting him at subway so the kids can exchange valentines seems ok...will you be able to stay non emotional and dry eyed? Will he have valentines for them?

Also could S14 be having problems due to what's happening with you and H rather than having ADD?

[Butterfly1]

Hi

I agree = NO CARD. The cards should only come from your kids. And if he gives you one, great. But prepare that he doesn't. If you give him one, not only will it feel like pressure/pursuing, you might feel worse if it's not reciprocated.

I think meeting halfway is perfect - it's a neutral spot.

[Lost Rabbit]

Hey CW

Hang in there, dont know if you have read Trents thread in the last couple of days but he has got good news!

Wouldnt do the card this year hun, one he dont deserve one and two you dont need to degrade yourself giving him one.. it will look like your pursuing and I really doubt if you will get a card at all and that will just make it hurt all the more.

Great idea to take the kids to meet him for lunch, meeting half way will show compromise and acceptance, and being some where else will take the pressure off you both..

Its not easy and I do think cupid should be shot for having a valentines day who needs it eh lol!

[courageous wife]

NM, H4L and LR-thanks guys for the input...point taken with the card. I will catch up on Trent C's thread...glad to hear there is good news!

New Mama-S14 has been in this mode for quite awhile now...he is always "forgetting", doesn't do his homeowrk etc but gets B's on his tests. He can space off watching tv and not hear a thing and then at school be easily distracted by others. Doesn't hurt to have him tested and yes, it might be worse becasue of sitch with H. Will catch up with your thread to find out what you mean about "slowly withdrawing"

Really appreciate the input guys!!!

[newmama]

CW, I will save you the hassle of going through my meandering thread! ;-)

I am simply not cooking dinner*, not hanging around the house when he is here, not going out of my way to find thing to talk about with him, taking care of some things he normally would help with and staying polite+looking good but just gone more than I ever was!

*for him specifically; I will still cook on Sunday night for me and then have leftovers in the fridge.If he is hungry he is welcome to it!

So will monitor results until March and see if he reacts positively; i.e. persuing behavior, ending A (you never know!)

[courageous wife]

NM- thanks for updating me! You have hung in there for quite awhile and sounds like you have the right attitude and are doing well! I do check in on several threads but feel I am not in the stage to offer advice unless it something I feel strongly about or have read from someone else! You hang in there! I will be praying for you and your little one!

Just got a call from H saying that his phone had run out of minutes and that is why he didn't call yesterday and that he is working OT this weekend. I do believe him on that but I can't check for sure unless I drive there at midnight to see if the truck is parked at his work! Said he wouldn't be by today (and my hair looks darn good today...got a few highlights yesterday which I don't normally do as H has always liked dark hair!) but planned to come over tomorrow for visiting and splitting wood. So, I didn't even ask him about meeting for lunch but will use that some other time definitely! Is it good that he makes excuses? Like phone minutes and work?

Am making a pork tenderloin today and will shred it for sandwiches tomorrow and have it smelling good when he gets here as it will be early morning and invite him to eat lunch with us after working on the wood. Tomorrow will be tough as the first Nascar race is happening and that is something he got me interested in so will be sad watching it without him as I am sure he won't stay and watch it with us since he will have to get some sleep...you never know...

Will be thinking of all of you tomorrow!

[newmama]

CW, remember we can always see someone elses sitch better than our own, so YES you are qualified to give advice!!! :-)

yummy sandwiches...

[Lost Rabbit]

CW definitely chip in on threads, as NM said often something can be seen from another perspective and observation is a great help..

[courageous wife]

Thanks NM and LR- I have been starting to do that more but sometimes am at a loss...so many of them are so close to mine!

Got a call from SIL about a friend of H's. His son commmitted suicide yesterday. He was in his early 20's and had a bi-polar personality. I called H to let him know...

Kids and I just got back from eating lunch at a local cafe...a place we never usually go...yummy! Resting now for the night with the grandson's...

Making a list of things to talk with H about tomorrow as for some reason when he is here...I totally forget stuff...he seems to have the effect on me!

[flowmom]

Making a list of things to talk with H about tomorrow as for some reason when he is here...I totally forget stuff...he seems to have the effect on me!

What I do is anything that can be dealt with by email, I do that rather than in person. That gives H the choice of following up in person or by email or by phone, and picking his own timing. H doesn't have good associations with having talks with me, so I try to avoid any talks. When he comes here I hope he will gradually relax and not feel that I am going to pounce on him with "things that need to be talked about". If there really are things to be discussed, maybe tackle them only one issue per visit. And remember a "soft startup", rather than jumping abruptly into talking about an issue. Esp. because it's Vday tomorrow, don't be the one with the "laundry list" of items to talk about, since they are not likely to be things that he is thrilled to have to talk about.

Don't worry about not having good advice to give in other people's threads. Sometimes I give dumb advice without realizing it, but it actually works out well because the vets jump in and correct me and give the person with the sitch really good advice.