Looking for Advice

[jasper67]

I agree- keep that attitude no matter what!!

[gutwrenching]

Journaling
I just hit me that its Friday, 4-day weekend for us with 2.5 days at a ski resort and I have ZERO anxiety. I didn't even notice that it was absent. That is so cool!!!

Also it just hit that W hasn't started to cold/distant pullback yet. I am shocked by this. Expected it to start early in the week, but it hasn't at all...in fact, kind of the opposite. last night she looks for shirts for me and sends me all kinds of TMs while out shopping, today she offers to bring me lunch (which I accepted) and then she actually did and was actually walking it over to me vice making me come get it from her office. I am still expecting/anticipating the pull back to ensure W doesn't send the "wrong message/signal" (she has used these words before) to me (in her mind), but maybe that won't happen till we actually arrive.

And with all these positive signs, I think they mean zilch as to how things are going to be in the future, whereas in the past, I'd be getting my hopes up that things were turning. I do sense the fog isn't as prevelant, but the wall is still up, so I really don't have any more hope today than I did a week ago.

Maybe because I'm still not convinved the EA is busted is the reason I am getting no satisfaction/hope from these things, and maybe because I am working so hard on getting back to not allowing her actions/moods impact my happiness.

I just have to keep this personal momentum going...

[Greek]

Also it just hit that W hasn't started to cold/distant pullback yet. I am shocked by this. Expected it to start early in the week, but it hasn't at all...in fact, kind of the opposite. last night she looks for shirts for me and sends me all kinds of TMs while out shopping, today she offers to bring me lunch (which I accepted) and then she actually did and was actually walking it over to me vice making me come get it from her office. I am still expecting/anticipating the pull back to ensure W doesn't send the "wrong message/signal" (she has used these words before) to me (in her mind), but maybe that won't happen till we actually arrive.



Maybe because I'm still not convinved the EA is busted is the reason I am getting no satisfaction/hope from these things, and maybe because I am working so hard on getting back to not allowing her actions/moods impact my happiness.

I just have to keep this personal momentum going...

Or maybe it is busted enough for her to pour some of that old EA energy into an EA with YOU. It almost sounds like she is extending some of that connection she might have had elsewhere before to you now. Maybe she's wondering what YOU will do with it. Just a thought.
Greek

[gutwrenching]

Greek - WOW...great to hear from you again. You were there for me when I first got going here and I still appreciate it. Hope you are doing well!

Maybe, guess stranger things have happened, and if so, I will cautioulsy be there to try to fill some of those emotional needs. If you got any advice, I'm all ears. If given an opportunity to fill E needs with W or some other woman in the future, I am prepared this time around, I am not the same man I was before.

And if the case, I think I gave some back last night. Kind of went with the reward the good behaviour technique and texted back and forth to W last night in very positive friendly but not quite flirtatious manner...but only after she initiated things. In fact, now that I think about it, she was actually still texting me till she was about 1 mile away from the house...
And I let her know how outstanding the food she brought me back from the restauarant was.

So if the good behaviour continues, I will reward it. If not, go back to ignoring it I guess is kind of my thoughts right now.

[rockedworld]

Sounds like a great plan GW. So glad to hear the anxiety has gone. Such a relief isn't it?

I think Greek has a great point, and hopefully is right. I think your "rewarding the good behavior" plan is the right approach. But, being cautious is also good. Don't want to be a wet blanket, but sometimes if the EA is still going on the good mood is reflective of things going well with OP. I saw that happen quite a bit in my sitch. So, remaining detached and enjoying your weekend no matter what is the best way to go.

Have a great time!

[gutwrenching]

Rocked - Yes, no anxiety is such a relief. I had never suffered anxiety in my life until this sitch, and I really don't like it all...it is miserable. And, I am honestly not optimistic anything has changed and please be a wet blanket when needed...as you know I'm just lately making real progress and don't need to get drug backwards.

Until I see some real effort, then I'm not counting that anything has changed and yes it could be a result of things going well with OM...heck it could be a result of their plotting a one night get together on the trip to see her dad in late March. It is what it is at this point. I refuse to let it ruin MY weekend nor the girls weekend.

W did already shock me again tonight. We had girls brought to us at work at the end of the day and then we all went to grocery store to buy stuff for our weekend trip. Then W wants to go look for new pair of ski boots at sporting goods store....and there the train came off the tracks. I saw it coming and sure enough, the mood swing. W hit limit and became sour. I was already plotting how I was going to handle things at the house. Get home, still foul, but not towards me. Without me asking a question, she explains what set her off, why, and then she grabs computer and hangs out with rest of us (vice going to room alone and shutting door) and actually seems to be snapping out of foul mood and coming back around. I got to admit, I would never have guessed this happening.

[Lost Rabbit]

GW give your brain a rest mate.. she will do what she will do, enjoy the good moments and go make some good moments for yourself when she is having a hissy fit.. You should be dead proud of yourself, handling this is probably ten times harder than going to war. Keep rewarding the good stuff she does make it so much nicer to be nice and be with you and the girls, remember at the end of the day you know EA isnt going to lose his life to be with her and her obsession with him will end one day. Have a fab time ski-ing and just enjoy the girls W will just have to pull her weight and chip in!

[Greek]

And if the case, I think I gave some back last night. Kind of went with the reward the good behaviour technique and texted back and forth to W last night in very positive friendly but not quite flirtatious manner...but only after she initiated things. In fact, now that I think about it, she was actually still texting me till she was about 1 mile away from the house...
And I let her know how outstanding the food she brought me back from the restauarant was.

So if the good behaviour continues, I will reward it. If not, go back to ignoring it I guess is kind of my thoughts right now.

Sounds good. But now keep your radar up. These things don't happen overnight - as you know. And when you are rewarding good behavior, stop short of the full reward. Another way to say that is...leave her wanting MORE. Be the first one to stop texting. Be the one to say "Gotta run" during phone calls. Leave her wishing you didn't have to go. Never overstay your welcome. This is Chick Intel

Greek

[gutwrenching]

Greek - my radar is up, big time. That's one I've learned and got down pat! Thanks for the tips...those reminders are great!

Now about me! I am very happy with my progress on my weight and toning the body. In the `4 weeks after the bomb as dropped, I lost about 12 pounds on a frame that had no more to lose. People were already on me about being too skinny and I was still running too much. About the first of the year, I decided that I was going to do two things for me - I was going to put all the weight back on and I was going to start working out in ways other than running and get the body back I had when I was in my mid 20s. Weighed myself today and I have successfully gained 9 of the 12 pounds I had lost and have the most toned body for me in probably 7 or 8 years. Still have further to go, but visible progress. Yes its only been 6 weeks, but the P90X workout is getting along with me real well! My goal is to not only put on those last 3 pounds, but probably a few more after that.

Don't hate me for having the opposite problem as others...it is just as hard to put on the weight when you live an insanely busy life with all the stress of this sitch.

I can wear my pants without swimming in them again!

[Lost Rabbit]

As long as you dont accidently swim out of them you'll be fine lol! Need to get on my wobbly case, put on 10lbs since winter started here in the uk, need to get fit again for a summer of competing!