Well the day before Valentine's Day and I feel the need to just vent.....I have been in bed pretty much all day feeling very depressed I guess I need to up my meds, doesnt seem to work very well lately......I got out of bed in a very foul mood and my daughter asked why I do that when she is around....Do I really do that???? I started putting myself down in front of her i.e. if only I was 15yrs. younger I would of moved on...my healthy looking neighbor has no job, gets to stay home ( same as husband) in the meantime I work 40 hrs a week and barely scrape by on what I make....i feel ugly as my hair looks very very thin on the top of my head...blah blah blah....I can just imagine what she must think.....I do this sometimes...feel sort of neurotic in some way...everywhere I look commercials...malls..restaurants couples everywhere....what is happening to me.....jealously????pity party???? I feel like I am just ramblin on..God help me to say the right words to my daughter I love her so much but I dont know why I have been doing this....she never opens up to me as to how she feels and if I make her feel this way, how can I not see it..I pray all the time, I dont want to visit with my family at all lately I have kids who live near by and i am just exhausted when I get home, I dont visit them they barely call me...and i feel like I have lost all of my family.....since my husband left the closeness of all of my family is not there any longer.....I feel overwhelmed right now....my self esteem is at a very low point.....I have come to realize and it hit me in the face just now I have a MLC/WAH we never hear from him...it was me who always initiated contact 1st not him...what am i doing????? better go before you guys think I am nuts.......just having a hard day especially when my daughter thinks this way of me......what can I do to fix it.??
