you WANT him to ask you!!! see, you are not in this as far as I was, my husband wanted NOTHING to do with me for quite some time. I was begging to even get just a look from him.
I agree! You should be logging that as a sign that what you are doing is working. I went out in the evening last night for the first time in 4 years looking good, in a good mood, and wearing new flashy earrings and leaving him to put the kids to bed for the first time ever. H didn't express the faintest interest in where I was going before or afterwards. Even if your H is 95% thinking about OW, and 5% wondering what you are up to, that is a babystep compared to 100/0. You are getting some territory in his brain.
It sounds like you're feeling pretty down. I can relate to that. hugs.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I know my thread is long and not sure how to paste and start new one.
Last night H came in and said, "I'm home" - first time in a long time he's talk to me when he comes in. He came in at 8:20 still late for a Friday but whatever. He text my son that he was still at office at 5:00. I got upset and text him, "why are you texting S you should be texting me." He replied with a "I don't wanna fight" crap. He's used that excuse and it's old already. I have made sure not to be confrontational so it's an excuse.
He said, "oh the olympics are on" I didn't say anything. I grabbed a beer and went to sit in the back room with my S. He came back there and said, "aren't you gonna watch the olympics?" I said, "well I wanted to." (but not sitting in there with him it's too uncomfortable)
So...I sat and talked with S for about another 30 mins and when I came out he said, "why did it take you so long to come out?" I said, "whatta u mean?" He had just put his blackberry in his pocket and I looked at him and shook my head. I think he just made that comment because he was a little nervous that he was texting. Sorry for those unmindreader people but that's my H.
Ok well, this morning has been so awkward. He and I don't communicate unless we have to. He said, "what time is friends' party?" I said, "oh you're gonna go?" He said, well friend said I'd better be there. It's just bad all the way around. I don't want to go to a party with someone who is a stranger to me and introduce him as my husband.
We'll see how today goes...I don't know. This is really weird. I've never felt more further away than ever. He is making a huge mistake by creating more a division as time goes by.
Luv wants to Love again...maybe it's time for a new one.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
Just sticking my head in to say hi Luv and add my moral support.. I spent three months with my H treating me like something he'd scrapped of his foot before he left so I know how horrible it feels and wanted to add my hugs (())
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Well we were apart for nearly six months and hes back now, but no over whelming remorse and he seems to convienantly not realise some of the stuff he did, there was no A but for all its worth he might as well off! All I can say is what ever happens you wont get over it but you will get on with it, if you get the chance to rebuild it you are going to need the strength to put stuff aside for a while, but from what I have read your a strong lass and you will be able to do this even if you need all of us cheering from the finish line every day with you.. We go for a week or two quite happy and then something comes up that we have to talk through, we then talk but he still doesnt get it, maybe he never will or maybe it will come a time when he really does get it who knows!
Last edited by Lost Rabbit; 02/13/1007:22 PM.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Luv- go to the party looking beautiful and mingle, laugh and have a great time! Don't worry about your H, (oh yeah, he came with you)...hopefully he will be watching you having a great time!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I know my thread is long and not sure how to paste and start new one.
Last night H came in and said, "I'm home" - first time in a long time he's talk to me when he comes in. THAT IS GOOD He came in at 8:20 still late for a Friday but whatever. He text my son that he was still at office at 5:00. I got upset and text him, "why are you texting S you should be texting me." THAT IS BAD- you missed the opportunity to encourage the good that just happened- He replied with a "I don't wanna fight" crap. Because your telling him what to do, he is being defensive. totally expected. He's used that excuse and it's old already. I have made sure not to be confrontational so it's an excuse. I don't know that I can believe this. besides, you have not been consistent enough to show him this. just think how long you have been confrontational during your M, and now look how long you haven't been. which is longer. do you think that a couple/few weeks of not pointing out his mistakes is going to work that quickly? this takes time, and that's why I keep telling you to be consistent. the more consistent you are, the shorter this will take. IMHO, I was the most consistent person I know on this board. not to ring my bell, and I know I was able because God was giving me the strength to do it, and I was putting my faith in him entirely, and because of this, I hardly EVER faltered, and I really believe that's why my sitch was so much shorter than most on here. I know it's hard to be consistent, I wasn't perfect, but the better you can be, the easier it is.
He said, "oh the olympics are on" I didn't say anything. I grabbed a beer and went to sit in the back room with my S. He came back there and said, "aren't you gonna watch the olympics?" I said, "well I wanted to." (but not sitting in there with him it's too uncomfortable)
So...I sat and talked with S for about another 30 mins and when I came out he said, "why did it take you so long to come out?" I said, "whatta u mean?" He had just put his blackberry in his pocket and I looked at him and shook my head. I think he just made that comment because he was a little nervous that he was texting. Sorry for those unmindreader people but that's my H. Have you set a boundary?
Ok well, this morning has been so awkward. He and I don't communicate unless we have to. He said, "what time is friends' party?" I said, "oh you're gonna go?" He said, well friend said I'd better be there. It's just bad all the way around. I don't want to go to a party with someone who is a stranger to me and introduce him as my husband. I went to a wedding with my H and I didn't want to go, and felt ridiculous because almost everyone had no clue what was going on. he txt the OW half the time and I realized it later. I told you this already, but that was also the same time I had to borrow his phone real quick and I snooped and found a text that same night to OW "you are so gorgeous". I gave back the phone like nothing was wrong, and ran to my car cried for 30 minutes and read the bible. and then I had FUN. I danced with the kids, I danced with the girls, I enjoyed myself and didn't worry about what H did. that was actually the first night he kissed me, which hadn't happened for months. So, what are YOU going to do? continue to encourage this his distance and focus on it? or are you going to start enjoying yourself with or without him? if you don't want to introduce him as your h, then just say his name or let him introduce himself. and you just focus on having fun at the party, don't worry about what he does.
We'll see how today goes...I don't know. This is really weird. I've never felt more further away than ever. He is making a huge mistake by creating more a division as time goes by.
Luv wants to Love again...maybe it's time for a new one.
a new one is not going to get you anywhere. you haven't learned from this one yet and you'll just find yourself in the same place. it ISN'T greener on the other side.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
