Doing hard time on the MLC chain gang.

[MHL]

Thanks to all, appreciate the words of encouragement. As you all well know sometimes it is hard as hell and other times it seems like I am going to breeze through this.

We actually got 5 to 6 inches last night, unbelievable. It is melting quickly today. Put the damper on going out last night with Kemper. We actually live about 3 miles away from each other. Go figure, out of the hundreds or thousands of people on these boards that we connect with and support each other one of them is around the corner.

Kemper, I know your out there lurking, we'll get out for GAL activities another time.

D13's school soccer game got canceled last night and so did her club soccer games this weekend, so she spent the night at friends house and S9 spent the night with my W. Did not realize it was Poker Night at neighbor's house last night. So got my 12 pack and headed over, it was great!. I really enjoyed myself, no guilt about not spending time with the kids. Everyone was glad to see me, I used to run the poker group for 3 years until all this crap came up. It was a great night.

MSH, better make it a case...I will be over with the cheerleaders later tonight.

Last night would have actually worked, HaHaHa.

One of the guys (lets call him Fred) in the group did crash at my house last night b/c of the roads. He and his W split up 3 years ago, they used to live in the hood and were one of the first in the "circle of friends" to separate, they are not D, just separated. "Fred" is 4 years post bomb and 3 yrs separated. Fred and I were talking this morning and he told me he still has strong feelings for his W. She is definitely MLC, I remember talking about her with my W when Fred's W was doing this and we commented how dumb she was, (same M.O. hit 40, lost weight, started going out, had multiple A's) so ironic that my W is doing the same thing now, exactly.

I asked Fred about how it is now with his W and has she expressed any desire to reconcile? Fred said that often when they are together and have been drinking she will apologize and talk about getting back together but couldn't face his family, friends etc. but realizes what she has done. Fred also says next day she goes right back into the tunnel. Fred and I talked about his W and my W and their guilt, pride and how they feel unworthy of forgiveness. Also talked about cutting them off and really going dark, hard to do with young kids. Bottom line here is some MLCers never do come out to really face what they have done. The other thing Fred and I talked about is they have to want us so bad that they don't care what anyone else thinks about them and what they have done.

Fred admitted that while he has feelings for his W, he doubts it will ever work out because he does not know if they can overcome the time they have been apart. Sometimes his W says she just wants to be a family again and he resists (good for him) he has told her they should date first and get it right with each other. Fred said that is where the problem is, she does not or can not get there and does not put any energy into them as a couple. He did say that she knows that anyone else that she meets is going to have baggage to bring to any potential R, so comes the depression with the reality of the life the MLCer has chosen, but yet can't quite make the step to come back to the life they so desparately want.

Fred and I agreed that both of our wives are addicted to the short term high of a fleeting R or ONS, knowing full well that they will be in more pain after they self medicate. I suspect that some MLCer's never come out of the tunnel and live in the depression state for the rest of thier lives, they just continue to cycle.

Once you get over the pain and detatch, move on, or whatever from your spouse, you still sit in theatre watching the horror movie. You yell at the screen no don't open the closet door or go in the basement but yet the victim still does it and we sit and watch. So hard to watch the one you love go through this and cause themselves pain over and over again.