Interesting evening, made my chocolates for my valentines gift and spent a few hours in the kitchen with my friend. Joined H in the lounge and he carried on using his laptop and once or twice when I included him in the conversation it was obvious he was concentrating on what he was doing rather than being part of our conversation. My S came home and immediately started teasing my friend as he knows her quite well and finally H joined in the conversation. A part of me found it quite hard as it was triggering old times of me feeling uncomfortable bringing friends home as he doesnt communicate with them and gives off this impression that he is very boring/bored when he isnt. I want my home to have people about and feeling comfortable not me feeling like I have to hide some where else in the house with them as usually I wont be doing something in the kitchen.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
LR: A part of me found it quite hard as it was triggering old times of me feeling uncomfortable bringing friends home as he doesnt communicate with them and gives off this impression that he is very boring/bored when he isnt. I want my home to have people about and feeling comfortable not me feeling like I have to hide some where else in the house with them as usually I wont be doing something in the kitchen.
Maybe in the future this could be worked on by making at least a few mutual friends who you both could be interested in to welcome into the house. Maybe when your friends come over, he feels it's "girl time" or something. Just a thought. I'm not sure.
I totally understand. You may not be able to change H. He may just be disinterested and grumpy. But how can you still get your needs met? I think having the friend over anyhow was brilliant. And heck if you need to be in another part of the house, so be it. Better yet, he needs to have a hole to crawl into so you can have the freedom to socialize!
How about saying something like, "Since you've been gone I've really enjoyed having friends over. I'm going to be doing that more often, and need the main part of the house." and just leave it for him to figure out where he can take his grumpiness rather than you having to "hide." Take over the space - he left it to you, you have owned it, he needs to work with htat now!
Things are pootling along nicely, although the last two nights we havent had evening cuddles, but H has still pulled me to him for early morning cuddles which is nice so Im not getting worried.
I went home last night feeling quite grumpy even a bit resentful, knowing that I had organised some nice gifts and so far nothing seem to be coming from H. But he said that he wanted to cook us a nice dinner as we couldnt really afford to go out, and spend time together as S is away with his GF for the next week. I almost feel guilty about giving him his presents this evening because I reckon Im getting nothing but a card, and I dont want to embarrass him.
Feeling worn down at the moment with all this piecing, Valentines day just throws a too early spanner in the works!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
I know Rabbit, it is exhausting isn't it? I think we will not make a big deal out of V day either. We haven't talked about it, but we both know we can't afford much this year either. I think I'll just get a card that's not to mushy and make a nice dinner. Hope you enjoy the day and keep moving forward!
I understand too. It is exhausting! We put so much energy into how much or little to do and how much or little we'll get and what to do if anything - what an emotional holiday! Try not to let it spin your brain into panic mode - it's just another day in the end and the love you are rebuilding with your H is what counts every day!
I was thinking today how Valentine's Day is more for women than men - yet we end up giving more than we get so often...I still think it's wonderful that you made some lovely chocolates - consider them a valentine's gift for both of you. Try not to keep tabs on who is giving more or less, this will spoil your own sanity. Just keep the day reserved for love - the best gifts are free. Grab your man and cuddle him and don't let go. Him presence is the best gift of all.
I'm not having a valentine's day this year, so remember how lucky you are to have him there. Focus on the positive and you'll get the same in return!
Spent the afternoon getting quite frustrated with no work to do at work but finally left at quarter past four and it was lovely but chilly outside which lifted my mood. Got home and H was pleased about his shopping trip to get dinner goodies and I said I was going to have a nice shower, got dressed up a bit H stayed the same although would have showered first thing he is very clean lol!
Brought my valentine goody bag into the study which he has done a fab job of sorting out it really was a mess in there! My final bag consisted of my handmade card, a small bottle of pink fizz, my hand made chocolates and the little book on walking I had found him. After exclaiming you didnt give pressies on valentines day to which I said why not, he produced a card from the draw. Inside it the printed bit said "love you today and always" Later he produced some lovely red carnations from his car, I love carnations had them in my wedding bouquet along with roses, gypsophilia and spider crysanthamums.
Cooking dinner I consumed a bit too much sherry lol.. I had sprinkled sparkly hearts all over the dinner table and lit the candles. Dinner was delicious give my man some meat a pot of cream and some alcohol and a feast is produced! Conversation got a bit deep at one point, ended up talking about wedding rings and he said his wedding ring was a bit like our marriage old and battered, and when I laughed and said I was hoping for a new one for my twenty fifth wedding anniversary next year he laughed and said he might be persuaded to wear a new one, one day.. Lots of other stuff came up but it wasnt a row but just uncomfortable at times, like him mentioning he wanted to be with me not because we were married, and I replied I wanted to be married not "shacked" up with someone, if that makes sense because we are technically married.
Even spoke about him leaving and he said he had too and I'd agreed, I replied I agreed as I could see I had no other choice, you broke my heart leaving me... also mentioned when he was saying you had to be individuals in a marriage, I said he didnt have all of me now does he not realise that and he said he didnt think he had lost any of me.. well we all know the answer to that one folks dont we even if he doesnt choose to see it that way..
Later on we sat listening to music and he said he got a Euromillions ticket, what would you do says I you wouldnt have to do anything you didnt want too, naughtily insinuating he might be off again.. ooh lots of holidays and go places, buy some flats near my hobbies so we could stop over in different places.. Oh says I well that would be hard with me at work then, why work he replied if I won 40 million you wouldnt have too.. I replied I didnt have to before but I do now.. yes youve got it he still doesnt get it.. this is gonna have to be spelt out in very small words one day I wonder..
One dodgy topic he started to talk about getting off his depression meds, I understand him wanting too but advised it was too early days, said get yourself back into a job for three months odd then come off them.. he has a medical soon and doesnt want to be on them for that but he is going to have to be .. I told him that my friends who'd been on them said that when you felt well enough to come off them to leave it longer as its still too early and also depends on how you react to coming off them.. I left it as expect really to be on and coming off them for a whole year which will be before xmas this year..
Anyway sorry for the waffle folks I have the weekend to myself now as H is away and I intend to relax now for the next five weeks.. well not all of it!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
