Mach 1 / Fear is paralyzing me right now, mostly the fear of loosing her. This is why I struggle with detaching.
Not to be a turd in the punchbowl or anything, but she is kinda already gone. The worst has already happened for you.
The thing YOU feared the most in your life, has stared you down , probably in the dark of the night, and you survived that........
In the MLC world...anything in the future will be a new relationship anyway.....
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If anyone can send me a link to Bworl I would appreciate it.
MLC Archives is a great place to spend a quiet afternoon.....use the search to sort by thread starter....
If I did that for ya....you'd probably want me to make that choice about the Charmin too.....
Plus it give you a sense of accomplishment that you found it...
Can't help you on the last question , other than to say that is your choice on how much you want out there....If privacy is an issue, then do the latter.....
Mach1 has hit it right on the head. She is already gone, your marriage is already over. In here we can help you be ready for your next relationship....now that can be a better version of your old marriage or a new one, but either way you will be stronger and your relationship will be better. (Disclaimer-There will be frequent emotional roller coasters during application of this drug....in the case of dire actions...stop...think for 24-48 hours and then consult DB board)
I think Mach and OP will attest (as Jack and I already have) you will be a better person when all of this is done. Almost a rebirth of self!
I have used my real FB account and I have been thinking about that. My best friends know the sich. Mostly everyone else is oblivious to it. I have yet to have anyone say to me: Your on DB! I guess the only one that I really would be worried about is my W, she just joined FB and until my R is on very solid ground we will not be FB friends.
All - I flipped a little this morning and clamly told my wife that we needed to talk about things. She agreed and we have decided to talk on Sunday. Having given this some more thought..I will not push the divorce, which is what I had planned. Instead I am going to TELL her that I am going back to school and also let her know that I think we should send the kids to therapy. I also need to find out somehow what her plans on as it relates to the house. We need to do some repairs but her plans have always been to pay down debt and then file in September. Any tips on what I should and should not say. I know we should not have R talk but I feel like something will come up. Please advise.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
You know that relationship talks are a danger area, mostly because in your state you are less likely to handle it well. When it degenerates into accusations and recriminations, all you're doing is pouring gas on the flames.
What you want is an answer from her. Though actually let me tell you that you probably don't really want that answer right now.
What YOU need to do is to begin planning for a future without her. If she is multiple affairing (and oh my, aren't you learning the hazards of digging for info), I don't expect that she will remain for long. But she could surprise you I suppose.
The end result is that you remain, you will continue to have a life regardless of what she chooses to do, and you will continue to have children who are going to be in desperate need of a parent who still has their head screwed on straight.
My suggestion is that, in lieu of a planned discussion, simply make some decisions on how you can continue to stay in your home, pay your bills, and care for your kids - without your wife's help or input. If you are able to do so, throw the bills that you can that are mostly hers her way to be paid with her pay.
I'm suggesting that you prepare to do this on your own.
You're probably going to be doing so anyway.
If she wants/needs to leave, then she can leave. Truth be told, I'm not sure that if my spouse was multiple affair'ing it that I wouldn't sit her down and suggest that it was time for the separation to take place. But that's a decision you have to make.
At any rate, now more than ever, you have to be doing all of this for you. I think it was Mach who pointed out that your marriage as you knew it is already gone. When your spouse is out boffing other people, it's safe to say what you once had is no longer there.
So start living that way.
But you need to find a way to keep from turning it into a persecution. I assume you still love the woman you married (though probably not the person she's turned in to so much). And if so, you probably also would like to hang on to a sliver of hope that one day there is a chance for a resurrection. And if so, that's ok.
It just can't drive your decision making anymore.
Your decisions for now are driven by finding Eric's future and his kids future. Period.
Don't dive in to the pool she is swimming in. I hear there are nasties in the water.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
1) There was an EA with someone in another state but I am not sure if it became a PA. She did the normal claim that they were just friends.
2) All along she has said that this marraige is over but wanted to wait to file until all of the debt is paid off. She believes that it will be paid in Sept. I can tell you it will not.
3) the new "possible" A is unconfirmed but apparently is her boss at her new job.
A little more info...before all of this started W was as sweet as pie. I was truly the A**. W has also never lived alone was pretty sheltered. So life as most of us know it is new to her. Also the reason all of this came to a head is stupid event I did at my 40th birthday party - In short, I grab some check breast, which truly was a total lake of respect for my wife. It was at this point that she pretty much flipped out and said it was over. We did MC for 3 session but I was a wreak. Some
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
