I don't believe that it's "walking away faster than they do" that "works."
First off, walking away faster than they do is absolutely not consistent with the purpose behind why we all come to this board.
I see it equivalent to someone threatening to jump off a tall building and responding by threatening to jump first.
Most new people who come here are in a fragile state. A failing marriage, particularly if the "D" word has been spoken, puts us in a weak state emotionally. We don't make good decisions in that state and we can rarely carry out a "strategy" that requires a fine line of balance.
What works is putting a stop to obsessing about the state of the relationship.
What works is finding a way to stop obsessing about what the wandering spouse is doing.
What works is changing your mindset and ending the constant analysis of every word, action, and interaction as being something that either improves or deteriorates the relationship.
Mostly what works is taking the opportunity to look inward, put the focus on yourself and how you can become a better person, spouse, parent.
Make yourself more attractive than any of the options your spouse thinks they have.
And remember that you are responsible only for you. You control only you. You can change only you.
Trying to do any of those things for your spouse is misguided and will lead to failure.
Put the focus where it belongs. Set your goals, determine a way to get there, and start making your days productive, even in the face of the mess your marriage is in.
Don't do things NOW that can permanently damage any hope of restoring the relationship later.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
