as we move forward II

[mandyloo]

He wanted the dates so they can fit son in at this workplace, without too much interruption to my life, I am still unsure if he is being nicey nice or if it is his guilt that is shaming him into doing some things in the way to help son forward into his working life, due to the fact that ex missed all sons highschool days, we will see, I continue to watch, oh and should ex phone and aske where i am tonight whilst son is working of course I will be out, and of course I will be out on valentines day when ex picks son up for rugby, oh life can be good at some times, x

[mandyloo]

Oh dear me the crap hit the fan last night, thought it was going too good. anyhows ex picked son up to go to the bar to collect glasses, please bear in mind that son is very shy with the public and wont push himself to talk to people he doesnt know etc, once he knows people you cant shut him up, but he is the reserved kind. Off he went all done up to give it his best shot, one hour later ex phones me and tells me son is on his way home again because they had had a bust up, son had stormed out the pub, punched a waste bin on his way and now was heading down a long dark road to come home, ex was jumping in the car to go after him, whilst on the phone snitching to me at the same time, just like he wanted to tell mummy first what was happening. anyhows he managed to get a very angry son in the car after I openly heard him call son a f*********g idiot, he dropped son here and phoned me to go out for his keys. I explained to ex that I didnt think son would of been able to do it as it is a daunting task dealing with jo public for the first time, and especially in a packed pub, the reason ex said it had happened was due to the fact that there were glasses to be collected and told son to go get them, to this son just glared at him, and I know for a fact what ex is like when hes giving orders out and I also know how this would rub son up the wrong way, anyway it happened and son had a tantrum in front of ex's new drinking freinds and a packed pub

[mandyloo]

Ex also said whilst he was talking to me that on the way home son had actually thrown the last 5 years at him, telling him that he hadnt been there for him, he is the reason he as all this anger and its time he woke up and realised yes it is all dads fault son has no confidence. why he as these explosions of temper and why he feels like a failure in everything he does. Well done son I couldnt of said it better myself! I tried explaining to ex that son has 5 years worth of pent up feelings and anger and I knew one day he would throw it at ex, I also told ex that son is afraid of saying no or disagreeing with dad due to the fact that he is afraid of rejection and afraid that dad will stop talking to him again or that he will lose dad again. ex said he will never lose him again and he wont stop talking to him again ever. I had a lengthy chat out in the street with ex sat in the warm car and me stood out in the frosty night air. I think wholeheartedly son hit a soft spot with ex when he as said all these things to him, ex did appear to be upset and I did sort of see some remorse in him, but I cut it short and came back in to sit and have a lengthy chat with son, son is where i should of been to make him feel better I am is mum and not ex's mum. ex must of phoned another 5 times to make sure son was ok, after son had chatted to me and shed some tears the conclusion I came to was that since son and ex have been talking not once have they sat down and had a proper discussion, regarding the last five years, when ex made yet another call I asked him to take son to a neutral location sit down and have a proper talk with him, let son say and get off his chest all his pent up feeling and thoughts, let him get it out in the open and let dad know everything what he feels, thinks and what he is angry about. ex said he will do this. then ex suggested he came back and picked son up to take him back to the pub to watch the laddy sing that we know was singing there that night, I didnt think it a good move but asked son and he went back, 3 am this morning ex drops son off home, and guess what ex was supposed to be working today at 6 am.
So folks what was going great guns now seems to be backsliding for a while. sorry for the lengthy posts but I also use this board as my diary of events

[BeingMe]

Well, it was unlikely to be a smooth run, not so Mandy? Your son has already shown great restraint, and it was just a matter of time before he blew up at his dad. Doesn't seem to be too bad, though, 'eh?!

You are doing so awesome --- such a huge change from 5 years ago. I am glad you are having fun.

[mandyloo]

BeingMe, thanks for your reply it means a lot to me. Yes it was just a matter of time, I knew that it was going to happen, it is just unfortunate that it sets son back some,x

[mandyloo]

so after all the shinnanigins of last night, spoke to son today and he said that dad was okay with him when he took him back out, he said dad did actually apologise to him and said it was all his fault and that he didnt blame son in any way shape or form, he was sorry that he hadnt realised son was so shy and sensitive and also sorry that he has hurt him so much. wow thats a first also ex saying sorry, hasnt said it in five years nowhere near. also forgot to say last night ex called me by my old name he used to call me and actually slipped up and called me love. I dont know anymore I dont know if hes coming to his senses or if hes still way out to lunch, but so long as son is ok that is my main worry, ex will have to sort things out for himself. x

[mandyloo]

just a quick update, all seems to have gone quiet again on the home front, ex and wifey took son out for a treat on monday, to some area where son could actually have a go at driving their car, also took son to rugby training and have invited son to go out for a meal with them on thursday for wifeys birthday, so at least after the outburst ex and son are still talking

[job]

Mandy,
It sounds like the big blow up has gone by the way side. I think that your son and his father will be able to communicate a little bit better for the blow up. Let's hope everything stays quiet and on an even keel.

How are you doing?

[mandyloo]

Hi Snodderley thanks for popping in it is always a delight to hear a response from you. I am good thankyou, not saying I dont have backslides but getting on with life, holidays, going clubbing, enjoying it for the best, not saying I dont miss my ex in it but unfortunately life goes on and he doesnt want to spend his life with me, so I move on alone, I just wish son and ex a healthy happy relationship as father and son should be, hows you snodderley hope you are keeping well x

[forward]

ML, Well, you don't need to be involved w/X and S's R. It is up to X to work it out w/S. Presumably he is the adult.

Presumably.