I've hit a wall.. Now what?

[talia]

Thanks Pearl!!! Have a FABULOUS TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


OTM,
I understand what you are saying and thanks for posting here. You are missing the point in a lot of the DB stuff. DBing is about handling a terrible situation in an empowering and PERSONALLY positive way - that MAY help you rebuild your relationship.
I don't believe in D - but I don't have that choice. H has disappeared and over almost 6 months hasn't given me any indication he's changing his mind. He's full into some kind of "new" life with OW. I can't be in an open marriage - so while I don't believe in it- that decision has been made for me.
The major point you are missing - NOTHING I do/don't do is going to be the ONE THING that makes him wise up. HE needs to come to that realization on his own. What I can do is interact with him in a personally empowering way. That means standing up for myself - no matter what the consequences might be.

I CANNOT make decisions based on what I THINK he will do/say/think/feel/react. His actions say he's done and thats all I have to go on. I cannot let him take advantage of me or continue to treat me disrespectfully.

This isn't a "strategy" to get him to open his eyes OTM - I'm done. I give in - he can have his damn D. I WILL NOT continue to live in a world where the one person I've given myself to is giving himself to another person. I get the impression that you think everything here is a strategy to get a spouse back. Its not - and thats not what DBing is about - everything here is to show all of us how to be the best we can. Thats it.

To be my best I need to rid myself of the parasite that is my H. He needs to start pulling his weight - THATS all this is designed to do. If it pushes him to D then so be it.

I know it seems harsh but after 6 months of detaching I finally don't give a $h!t if he comes home or not.

I'm officially in the the middle of the perfect storm. I don't want H to come home since he hasn't changed, I don't want to D, I don't want to put in the effort to go back to school, I don't want to spend the $ to go back, but I no longer want the career I have and I can't keep doing the job I'm doing forever. My point.... sometimes you have to make the best decisions based on reality, your values and logic - NOT on fleeting emotion.

That includes D.

Hope this helps you start to look at everything here differently!

T