Getting divorced, leaving a relationship that is unhealthy does not make one a failure. I would argue living in a half marriage, that messes with your self esteem and leaves you questioning if you ever really deserved the blessings that a committed, fulfilling intimate relationship may offer is failing yourself.
What if living in an SSM is fulfilling in every way except sexually? What if it does not mess with your self esteem? When you were a teenager, you likely had raging hormones and sexual interests, but you had long periods of time without a sexual partner, and no sex with any of the family members you lived with (hopefully). Did that mess with your self-esteem? No? Well, so you have lived with a family without having sex? That is essentially how it is for me. Now, you can argue all you want that is not SUPPOSED TO BE that way.... uh, yeah, I know.
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but living in a marriage that fails to fulfil either partner is a medieval concept for a time when marriages were about family alliances and economic security.
My marriage and family is a fulfilling situation, just not sexually.
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I for one would prefer to live alone, honestly and sincerely taking responsibility for my own choices than stay in a marriage because I don’t want to be a statistic …. We’re all statistics … married or otherwise.
Not wanting to become a statistic is not the only reason I'm in my marriage. Just like I didn't run away as a teenager only because I didn't want to become a runaway teenage statistic.
Your view might make good sense for you, and would make your decision easy in my case. But your assumptions don't really apply to me, which is why my decision is not as easy. I think it's in part due to excellent therapy we've had, and being able to keep the sexual issue separate from everything else in our marriage. And also due to the length of time, and having become accustomed to the situation.
Essentially, the way I feel about it is, I have a sense of humor about it, many things I love doing which have nothing to do with this issue, friends and family. And the only thing that's a "problem" is dealing with my never-ending high sex drive without getting into too much trouble.
