#2: WAH separated from us & I'm on the DBing path

[flowmom]

Here's something that Holly06 posted from a book called Midlife Crisis by Peter Oconnor:

Each one of us has 2 separate but eqqually important parts of us. The feminine side, and the masculine side. The feminine side is the caretaker of feelings and emotions, caretaking and all that touchy feely stuff that guys are so uncomfortable with. The masculine side is the outwardly successful side. The career man, the provider, the parts of your personality that has to do with material wealth and successful careers. IF the MLC has pent too much time nurtureing and growing the masculine side, he does so at the expense of the feminine side. A greata busines deal must acrifice compassion and feelings right?
Successful or not the masculine, outside persona is highly developed. Any that is where he/she gets his strokes. Not from being feeling. So the difference in the level of development becomes greater. The person who developes the masculine side of himself to the exclusion, or stunted growth of his feeminine side, begins to have an uneasy, uncomfortable feeling that he is not happy any more. The feminine side is ready to rebel. "Her" growth has been neglected, and she is looking for answers, for attention. If the beginning MLC does not resolve these issues by paying attention to the nagging little pain, then "she " begins to grow the pain until "she" has the attention of the other half. No one is happy if she ain't happy. And so the crisis begins.
This Man's Man knows how to deal with problems. "Yes indeed. I will figure them out logicly and with determination. Gosh, I am just not happy. Why am I not happy? I am a great guy. Everyone knows this. I can not be the problem. Where is the problem? I will get a new car. Or build a new house. Or buy some new clothes.Or listen to that ego flattering OP. Boy this feels good to be adored. Well it feels good some of the time.
Hey..... I am still not happy." (The feminine side is gaining some ground!)
Yah know it must be my wife. I just feel differently about her. What are those feelings that I am having? Yeah, those feelings of being old, and boring, and not good enough. They must be feelings about Her, the wife. Yeah, they are about her. And this life. And maybe my job. My boss. If only they would fall into line, and do what I want them to be like and do then I will be happy."
So begins Projections. Projections are feelings and perceptions (not facts that would still be developing the masculine qualities) that can not be my fault, they must be her. This is when you take on the role of Parent.l You know how you felt about your parent about 17 or 18? They tried to get in the way of your having fun, so we became sneaky and deceptive so we could go to those HS partiaes and drink and do bad things. So this is where our MLC mate goes. Back to the past, and we have taken on the projections of the parental figure, with the twist of all the bad things that the MLC is feeling about themselves, projected onto you. You can't help but lose. You have been set up, and you don't even know it.
The second projection is about the OP if there is one. In most cases there is. When there is not, then I think that the whole MLC thing could be skewed a bit. I for one, believe there is for my Sitch, and I almost think that this MLC takes on a whole new set of problems without OP. Anyone else feel like that?
The OP becomes every the recipient of all the envyable feminine characteristics there are. This is not the truch, but a fantasy, all fiction. It takes a very insecure person to attempt a relationship with a married man, don't you think? I do not want to be that weak.
This skanky OP has it easy for awhile, but sooner or later, has to live up to the fantasy that MLC created, and that is why they usually fail.
Projections do not last forever. Especially if new and consistant evidence through behaviors are noticed, recorded in the MLC memory bank for the return of some sanity. The projections are uncovered in layers, like a nicely made up bed. ( EW! I am making up this comparison,I think it works! MLC Beware! Make your bed, and you have to lie in your creative filth!)
Peal back the comforter. Hm. Then later the blanket, what is happening to the bed I thought I made? The sheets are peeled back and then the naked truth will be revealed.

This makes sense to me.