Sweetie there are lots of peeps in your area who are going through and have come through the MLC. Check them out on the MLC board.
The problem is that MLC is a whole different avenue. The normal DBing processes don't work there. You literally have to wait it out. It is hard, and it blows, but this process can take years. So you need to decide whether or not you are dedicated enough to your H and your marriage to wait it out. It is horrible, we are talking extra marital affairs, and some of the strangest shiznit you have ever seen. But the marriages that do survive it end up stronger.
I know alot about the MLC, so if you have any questions, let me know. Between living through it, and studying it for school, I am a wealth of knowledge on a subject I would rather know nothing about!
(((Hugs)))
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Thank you so much for all of the support. He texted my today to tell me that the day we were planning to get together next week, may have to wait and that when we do get together, we will be discussing divorce.
He does not want to discuss anything else, especially since he is deploying overseas in April 2010.
I think it is over.......
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Yes, this snow mess is unbelievable, but I hope that I can at least get into work tomorrow to kept busy with other priorities.
I took your advice and tried to keep busy today. I watched a short movie and then went down to my H workroom and decided to finally refurbish an old night stand and dresser in a spare bedroom.
One huge thing I discovered with my H, is that I am very handy with tools. So today, I sanded the night stand. It kept my mind off of my H and his "divorce" topic.
Question: Should I send greetings (like and E-Card) for his birthday tomorrow? Or should I just leave it alone?
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Well done! That just shows you are already great at the GAL technique that you will read about in the book. That is great you are good with tools, I am absolutely dreadful at all of that and it has proved to be a bit of a problem at times!
There is always debate about birthday cards etc. I don't see any harm in a birthday card/ ecard. But keep it simple for example just 'Dear H, Happy Birthday, DestinyUnknown'. Know loving messages etc or I love you's. The WAS does not want to hear that stuff.
With the divorce conversation, everything is still raw at the moment with you and your h. The key is to get both of you to stop reacting. His divorce threat is a reaction. Therefore you need to start being calm, and most of the time don't disagree with them - however this doesn't mean that you should protect yourself practically and financially. It is called validation and often takes the threat out of a situation so they stop feeling the need to fight against you all the time. Work on you, being confident and looking your best - this is attractive to the WAS even if you don't feel like it.
This is soooo very hard. The ups and downs (mostly downs...) and just plain frustration with my WAH. I did something I should not have done. I called to just say Happy Birthday. He said that he really appreciated it and that it was sweet (thank you baby - yeah right).
Well that doesn't seem to bad right? Well I asked the WAH what his plans were for the weekend. He said he was going to speed it taking a drive somewhere. What the H E double hockey stick does that mean!!!
I soooo don't like the 'vague' language. He is the one who had the OW and blaming me for all that is wrong in his life. But can you believe it - I still love this person. Gee Whiz, when does the rollercoaster stop? Thank you for letting me vent.
I hope everyone had a great day.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Oh honey the roller coaster stops when you tell it to! Hang on tight.
I hate to say this, but the vague language probably means there is an OW. Generally the WAS stays very secretive about it. They do not want to come off looking like the a$$ that they are.
Now, this does not mean it will last. Generally the OP is a temporary fix. It will depend on how you handle this.
It was not bad that you wished him a happy birthday...I still do and we will be divorced next week. Just because this is happening does not mean you don't love him, or even that he does not love you. It just means right now he is an alien.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Someone - stop me from calling my WAH! My thoughts are occupied with what he is doing. How do I stop this? This is just crazy.
Why do I care? He has treated me badly and if he is with the OW, then I should be down right?
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
I haven't read your whole sitch but DO NOT CALL your H! Are you trying to go dark or no contact? You need to do the thought stopping and find something to occupy you! Weekends are tough around here as there are not very many people on these boards so hang in there!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I feel so pitiful in wanting my husband back. He is totally shutting everyone out. Only texting me (if that) and his sisters of his plans to Deploy to Afghanistan. What is going on?
He called this morning based on my text message to him. I try to validate him and tell him that I understood how he felt. I failed the 180 technique. I unfortunately, asked him to think about us.. and he just said very sarcastically... "Thanks for the Happy Birthday".
I know I have not been the perfect wife, and I have been angry at trivial things now looking back on and taking my frustrations out on him sometimes verbally. But he cheated on me. This woman was in my house while I was gone. Don't I deserve some consideration? I know, I am venting, but this shiznit is ridiculous.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Nobody is the perfect anything. I spent an hour today on the telephone with one of my best friends who is divorcing as well. I was in their wedding. His wife and mine were friends in high school. They both are loners and we are extroverts.
Everyone makes mistakes and tries to shape their spouses to what they want them to be.
Do you have any plans? Anything to occupy the rest of your weekend? I have a dinner dance in two hours. I've been so tired the rest of the day I've just laid around. Bad move. Too much thinking but I'm trying to get a nap in so I don't crash tonight.
GAL is necessary but it can be exhausting.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
