No, I didn't. PDT pointed out in another thread that there wasn't really a good reason. As far as I can tell she still lives at home, and that is where my H went to see her. I could tell them I am concerned for their daughter should he leave his family for her. If he can cheat once, he's capable of doing it again when she doesn't live up to his expectations. But it would be a lie. I really don't give a damn about her, and she deserves whatever karma serves up. So I would be attacking just for the sake of attacking.
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And what did you say to your H about the affair the last time you talked to him about it?
The last time it came up is when he mentioned standing in front of the capitol building. And I asked why the hell my S4 knows her name. I said I knew enough and could prove enough, and then the subject was dropped. And now I don't bring it up at all.
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Have you heard anything else from OW since her last email response to you?
Nope. I don't really want to. I decided to establish that she knew she is a home-wrecker. I did and now I have no interest in a dialogue with her. We have nothing to say to each other, and I won't give her any standing by engaging her.
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What are you willing to say or do when you talk to your H about ending the A?
That is an excellent question. I really want to tell him "I will not share you with another woman. I will not have an open marriage." But what exactly would I mean by it? I've proven I don't really want to stop ML with him. We really connect during that time. I won't kick him out. He's about to be promoted and when his superiors heard about marital troubles they would deny him his Sgt. stripe. I won't damage the future for the satisfaction now. He talks about his military career and I'm always in it. So what good is a line in the sand?
I am going to tell him politely that I'd like to talk. I will sit down with him and explain that since we've been apart so much I am no longer sure how to include him or ask him to be involved in household tasks. I will say that I appreciate when he helps out and I would like to share more of the chores and child care with him. I also want to ask him to go to MC with me. If he refuses I will tell him that I am still going and he is welcome to go too if he changes his mind. I have to stay calm with that.
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I think you said you were going to confront him when he comes home...when?
He comes home around the 22nd or 23rd. I leave for Las Vegas on the 28th. And actually I was going to take the coward's way out and write him a letter. It would explain that I do not accept another woman in his life and she needs to go or we cannot work on our M (not that he wants to right now, but it sets a clear demand for the future). I want him to know that I will be happy with or without him even though I prefer with him. I was going to ask all of you if you think it would be wise to include a line about sex. I want to tell him I am uncomfortable having sex with him as long as she is in the picture, and want him to avoid initiating as long as the affair continues. I would state that I am still attracted to him, but that I won't be his roommate with benefits. I am his wife and that is an all-or-nothing position. But as I say, we're close during that time.
Oh, and I turned off the ringer on my phone tonight. It was so hard because I enjoy talking to him every night. But I want to appear unavailable just once in awhile, let him know I don't sit by the phone waiting for him to call. OK, I still do, but he shouldn't know that.
Thanks for coming by, newmama.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
