I would like to suggest Sue Johnson's book Hold Me Tight, as it helped me realize that my need for endorphine chemical release associated with being touched and sex was a natural part of the couple-bonding process that should happen in a marriage. I found that I need touch and sex more than most people when I read the Five Languages of Love. Then in counseling I am also beginning to understand that I am afraid of being abandonded; and that while successful, I have periods of huge self-doubt. Working on getting a life, is helping me regain self-confidence and that is important for me. I feel that even if my fear of abandonment and my self-confidence issues were resolved, that I would still have a higher desire for sex than my wife.
From what you are posting, I would also suspect that your need for sex also is a need to some form of reinforcement or validation you require from your spouse, as few would label themselves as a "codependent sex addict." Using sex to medicate emotional pain (or fear) is not the best way to gain a happy life. If that is the case, you might really want to better understand your own motivation for sex with your spouse, beyond a "codependent addiction level."
One of the things I have started to figure out in my journey to "get a life" is why I desire sex more than my wife. I have also spent time of figuring out (and talking to my wife about) what kinds of "non-intercourse" might satisfy my need to be touched and would be acceptable to me as a substitute for some of the sex from my wife that I need. Verbal praising can also be a substitute for sex some times. Similarly, being successful in getting a great life can also be a real boost in self esteam.
Confronting and then confessing your issues with your spouse, so that they can help you deal with your inner-most fears is a scary thing.
Good luck to you.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
