GAL today: I went for a 30 minute run for the first time in a loooooong time, even though I have a cold and got very little sleep last night (sick child). Trouble with running: the hampster runs on the little wheel in my head at the same time . I tried not to give into that by saying affirmations out loud to myself during the entire run...that felt pretty stupid, but I guess less stupid than mentally shooting myself in the foot as I was running. Now I feel like I should feel good, or proud of myself, or something, but I don't. I feel pathetic.
H was supposedly filming for his business this morning so we changed the childcare schedule, but it turns out he didn't. Now he wants to the skip bedtime routine on Sunday to film on Sunday night. Now I'm wondering if he has dating plans because surely some of the guys he's working with must have wives/girlfriends? Who knows. Anyway, I should focus on the fact that it's a relief if I don't have to see him on V-day. I don't need reminders of lost love that day. Come to think of it, maybe he wants to avoid it too. Hmmm, that actually does make sense. He knows that I will be celebrating it with the children.
I feel bored of being in this sitch, if that makes any sense. I am trying to figure out how to break out of the passivity of being in this position.
The day has been so grey and gloomy. Even the sight of blooming snowdrops, crocuses, and cherry blossoms barely cheered me up. I'm feeling depressed and I'm hoping that it's just sleep deprivation at work.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
. I tried not to give into that by saying affirmations out loud to myself during the entire run...that felt pretty stupid, but I guess less stupid than mentally shooting myself in the foot as I was running. Now I feel like I should feel good, or proud of myself, or something, but I don't. I feel pathetic.
