W reply- "its not more important, he's not a friend to me- he's immature and I told him he's a a$$hole."
That's how she feels at that moment because he didn't do something she wanted... she'll change her tune again in an hour. Don't waste too much time on thinking about it.
When the ratio of displeasing:pleasing with OM grows to about 75:25 or maybe higher, that's when you can expect her to divert her attention elsewhere... maybe back towards you.
In the meantime you move on with your own direction.
Update- OM2 is now in play- OM1 made it a point to make me aware of the situation. I've texted W that if she's going out on dates, she need to get her two dogs out of the house- as I will not be taken advantage of that way so that she can go out on dates.
W and I are both in Recovery- W relapsed a while ago, alcohol. OM2 is a party animal and also known to use cocaine. OM1 and I texted back and forth for a minute. I asked him if W was doing coke again- he said "not saying a thing, you can ask her."
Things make more sense now, but I am not healing the way I should be. Like an idiot, I watched some of my wedding video yest morning. It was not that long ago but things have changed SO much in such a short period of time.
I GAL'd this weekend I did not pursue, although I did text MIL wishing her a Happy Valentines Day- not sure if that was wrong or not.
I am very lonely and I have been consumed by things this weekend, I guess b/c of the news of W on a date and me being alone for V-day.
My finances are a mess, so that doesn't help much either. Right now I'll say I'm really having a hard time w/ depression and kind of feel like there's no hope for me (not my M- well both I guess). I want to disappear really, that's the only way I can put it. I know if I just ran away- I wouldn't want to be wherever I ended up, so just disappear instead.
I know that that is not rational, and I know that it is not reality- and I know that until I can help myself I can be of little use to anyone...
Oh God, the wedding video is brutal. Been there done that myself.
The ups and downs sure can be tough. A lot of people on here can relate including me. These has to come a point for all of us that we accept things for what they are, get some self respect, demand better for ourselves, and move onto the next phase of our lives.
Become a better man. For yourself and whoever you end up with, be it your W or the next person who hopefullytreat treat you better.
All of that is easier said than done, I know, but I think that needs to be the goal.
Good call with the dogs. You don't need to be taken advantage of.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Thanks EB- I told my parents about the video and their reply was "what's wrong w/ you- why do you punish yourself?!" Even when I put it in the DVD player I was asking myself the same question. Maybe I just wanted to see W when she was in love- to see the person that I knew again.
The goal you mention is indeed my goal. I think my problem is how debilitated I feel w/o my spouse- I know this is untrue, but the lonliness and her abscense even as a friend is something that leaves a huge void in my life.
Hey Maynard. Here is an opportunity to work through rock bottom yourself. And use yourself to pull yourself up. No dependencies on drugs or alcohol. And if your going into them. STOP. Seek help for those issues right away.
I think that since you cannot stop yourself from contacting your wife you need to delete her number off your cell. That way the next time you go to send a text. Guess what you are going to have to type out the number. This will give you a chance to think. Do I need to do this? Is this on my list of important items.
You did the list right? Or did you wallow in self-pity? ( I set up pictures around a room and said good-bye to each one and drank a very nice bottle of red wine ) If you have not done the list. Do this today. Make it your 180 for the day.
I am shining a light towards you my friend. Get off your butt and get moving again. Reflect all you want. But make sure its productive and that your using this to work through your grief. I have nothing more to say on your reflection weekend.
Go back to being DIM and do not ask any more questions about her life. She is on her path now. You are not a knight in shining armour. Let her hit rock bottom. She knows you love her. So let her feel those feelings without you reminding her.
p.s. have you thought of doing some volunteer work ? Just something to show your self worth to yourself. And you will be helping people as well.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
PUP- I have given it some thought, my parents believe that and asked me not to mention anything to MIL b/c W and MIL would think I am being vindictive. W will not admit to the using- so I guess it really is her problem for now.
CUTTER- thanks for the advice, I thought that I had said my goodbyes- I have erased her name from my phone, unfortunately I do type out her number and it doesn't really slow me down enough to not communicate w/ her. I did make my list for reasons to break DIM- I broke it this weekend to establish the boundary w/ the dogs.
PUP- I'm interested to hear your thoughts about a possible intervention- even if W is not yet willing to get honest.