HDW: How is the sex when you do ML? Is it good, at least, or is it lousy? I'm tempted to say something like "Try waiting 18 months and then having bad sex, then talk to me," but I am aware that even twice a month can be a SSM. But if the sex is still good for both of you, at least some of the time, then you're way ahead of most folks here. I totally understand your frustration, having been there for at least 2 decades myself, but I would like to say please hang in there, if you can, and give yourself the peace of mind of having done everything you can to make things better before walking away from the sitch. Obviously, you'll have to judge for yourself when is the time to end it, and nobody else's experience is really relevant to that. Just be aware that there is a lot of help out there, you just have to look for it, and work to get it. In my case, W and I have seen 2 counselors before now, one in 2000 and another in 2002. W saw a counselor on her own in 2004, and now we're working with a fourth (and final) one. The first C was unacceptable to both of us, he didn't last 5 sessions. The second was a woman, and I thought she had potential to help us, but W felt she was concentrating too much on W's issues, so we stopped going. With those 2 C's, there was also the issue that we were going through my company's EAP, which is only meant for short-term stuff, so 10 sessions max, and we didn't feel we could afford to pay our own way. W liked the C she saw individually, but she didn't help at all, there was no change in W, and the C was just validating her and not holding her accountable. So now, we're working with a great C (we're paying for it), and I really think he can help us. I hope so, anyway. If he can't, I'm prepared to end the M, because I just can't live like this any more. Our home life isn't like an armed camp, or anything, and the kids think we have a solid M, but there's no passion and a lot of lonliness. So there you go. I do wish you the best of luck, and I hope you find a good path.
Also, you do realize that your vision of a "perfect marriage" is just a fantasy, right? Just checking...
