Just present the option and let her make her choice.
I'm really amazed how hard that is for me! I have such a controlling tendency, especially when I see her this miserable and in pain.
I need to find a balance here, because angry and controlling, talking down to her, trying to make decisions for her, this is what she gets from FIL and the rest of the family. However, it seems there are times when I need to do what Stuck is saying: be definitive, wear the pants, tell her how it's going to be. Confidence. Finding the balance of acting more like FIL (in a good way), planning, executing, etc. I just don't have to be an ass about it like him and never listen to any different perspective.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
